Archive for the 'USA' Category

17
Feb
10

Music MANday

What up my ninjas? Sorry about the late post yet again, been taking a beating this last week. The job market continues to kick your boy Neil right in the marbles on a daily basis, pair that with a lingering stomach virus and you have one pathetic summabitch. I would like to say something to our loyal readers concerning my BCS article last week. In no way do I see that scenario actually happening. It makes too much sense. Many folks close to the Big-10 were not so thrilled by my portrayal of their conference (which is terrible, I stand by that) and that they should simply take Iowa State as a 12th team. Missouri would make much more sense, as would Pittsburgh or Notre Dame as possible additions to the conference. They bring in more revenue and create a larger target market area (St. Louis, Pittsburgh, Chicago) for the Big-10. The addition of ISU is too neat, but was necessary to make the rest of my formula work. I’ll just leave this issue closed, but fully expect Colorado to leave for the Pac-10 and the Big-10 to add another team. Obviously these moves will have massive ramifications in the College Football arena, we’ll just have to wait and see what those are.

Music MANday is gonna be a little different this week, as I thought we would switch up the usual routine of reviewing albums and recommending our favorite funky tunes. This week I will simply post 4 of my favorite music videos, designed to excite your ears and your eyes in an attempt to incorporate some aesthetic pleasure to your reading/listening/viewing experience. Here we go.

Stick with this one, I love this concept:

Awesome video from my favorite band of 2008:

I just really like this video, shows you can do cool shit on a budget:

One of my favorite videos of all time:

If you haven’t been watching the Olympics then shame on you. People have been ripping these 2010 games lately but it still continues to be one of the most exciting and competitive competitions since Lillehammer in 1994. That being said, this week’s man can only be a certified badass from the Winter Olympic spectrum.

“I’m just trying to ski in a way that’s exciting for me. It’s been an awesome two weeks, I’ve gotten to party and socialize on an Olympic level.” No this isn’t your fraternity social chair after that sweet, Olympic themed mixer with ADPi that saw an unseasonable amount of snow for October. That quote comes from this weeks man icon, Bode Miller. Aside from sharing a name with Swayze’s best character, Bode Miller is the most prolific American alpine skier of all time. He was the overall World Cup Champion in 2005, won 2 silver medals in the Salt Lake Olympics in 2002, became only the 5th man ever to win events in all 5 disciplines (slalom, giant slalom, combined, super-G, and downhill) in 2004, and is a 4-time World Champion in 4/5 disciplines.

What most people don’t know about Bode is that his parents are hippies. Yeah, hippies. He was born in Easton, New Hampshire and grew up in nearby Franconia on 450 acres in a log cabin with no electricity or indoor plumbing. This fucking kid had to walk to an outhouse to take a dump through 6 feet of snow when he was only 3 feet tall. To solidify his parents as raging hippies it may be interesting to our readers that his younger sister’s full name is Genesis Wren Bungo Windrushing Turtleheart, they celebrated the solstices, and Bode was home-schooled until the third grade. When his parents divorced Bode attended public school in NH, and then applied and was accepted to a ski academy in Maine and the rest is history.

Most people are familiar with Bode’s persona, his hard-living, unapologetic pursuit of perfection. Reporters have torn him up, ripped his credibility to the ground, calling him a waste of talent and someone who is more interested in having fun than competing. That is not who Bode Miller is. True he does like to party, but his recent Bronze Medal in Vancouver shows that he also trains as hard or even harder than he parties. He once described coming out of an alcohol induced blackout mid-way through a downhill race. WHAT?! You know how fucking hard core you have to be to pull that shit off? Sure he has had trouble with authority, he quit the US Ski team in 2007 and formed Team America (Fuck Yeah) in order to train and race the way he wanted, but in recent years he has become a father and has settled back into being the best skier that he can be (also rejoined Team USA). One thing is for sure, we are lucky to have him on our side. Bode, we here at WBPT wish you the best on your final 4 races in Vancouver. We will toast many a shot-ski to your successes and failures. We envy your ability to live on the edge of out-of-control and perfect speed. America, fuck yeah indeed.

“My actions are not always consistent. I’m super-mellow and laid back, but I’m always thinking and running 100,000 scenarios through my head. Sometimes I’m disciplined, but I like to be a total slacker, too. I party hard, but I train hard. People are going to try and figure me out and figure out my motivations, and it’s going to be a circus.” – Bode Miller

Neil McFadden

09
Feb
10

Music MANday….AMERICA EDITION

FUCK. REALITY. YES. BEER AND TITS.

FUCK. APPLEBEES. YES. NASCAR

FUCK. FOOTBALL’S OVER. YES. MARCH MADNESS

FUCK. NO MORE TROPICAL CLIMATE. YES. FUCK WAIT, NO MORE TROPICAL CLIMATE.

FUCK. NO MORE:

YES. WANT MORE.

Yes plebs, I am officially back in the good ole, US of A. My true mother country, and the best place on planet earth. I will miss Colombia’s unmatched natural beauty, its outstanding (and underrated) cuisine, its supple-assed, tanned stunners, and its more laid-back lifestyle, but I cannot be more excited about being back. I mean where else can you down update your blog via wi-fi, check out fine high school jailbait, overhear annoying Yankees talk about how great their round of golf was, check out jailbait again, think about punching that crying baby, nah McKenzie and her UCA camp-mates might not like that, eye-fuck the shit out of the chick sitting next to the dude in the Affliction tee, get bitched out by a fat ass security guard that probably doesn’t speak English, all the while sucking down a 96 oz. Dr. Pepper? Wait…What’s that you say? I’m in Orlando? Florida? 4 hour layover? Homeland Security? Did you say Florida?

Shit.

Yes, airports . The bane of my existence. As I sit here and write, I think simple thoughts, those of common men I rarely associate with.  I wonder if the quasi-Dominican Homeland Security drone really did enjoy cupping my balls and sniffing my taint for plastic explosives, or if that smug pedophile smile was just a courtesy “fuck you very much” he gives to every unsuspecting traveler? Either way, since I am stuck here at fateful gate 112 for the next couple of hours, I might as well wallow in misery with you plebs, my loyal companions.

Today’s (and as usual, late) edition of Music MANdays, is my first blog post stateside. And I will accompany this epic genre-busting event with the most American playlist humanly possible. Most of these songs need no explanations if you bleed like I bleed: RED. WHITE. AND SEX.

  1. Born in the U.S.A by Bruce Springsteen. Oh come on now.
  2. This.
  3. New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. Michael Buble = UNAMERICAN.
  4. This Must be the Place (Naïve Melody) by the Talking Heads.Well, not O-town, but you get the idea.
  5. America by Neil Diamond. YEP.
  6. New York State of Mind by NAS. I don’t sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death. Oh yeah, and NAS…hip hop is not dead. Unless it’s on the radio. Oh.

And now…the MAN.

This week’s MAN is none other than Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

“Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff (chewing tobacco) will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.” (From Predator)

The Body has to be the manliest man we’ve profiled to date. First let’s take a look at his ultra-manly CV:

Describes himself as a Slovak. (Fuckin’ right he does)

Killed Charlies in Vietnam

After the war, served with the Navy’s Underwater Demolition Team, now the Navy SEALs

Member of the the Mongols Motorcyle Gang in San Diego back in 73, a known criminal syndicate at the time

Pro Wrestler

Pro Badass “Blain” in Predator

Fuckin’ Governor of Minnesota (SUPPORTS LEGALIZED PROSTITUTION)

So that’s quite promising. And fucking manlier than shit. You can joke about The Body all you want, call him a hypocrite, racist, but when it comes down to it, he is about as American as it gets. Of course, unless you ask him about religion. “Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people’s business.” You may not agree with this quote, but you can’t argue with him. OR YOU DIE BY MINI GUN. (Fun fact: this quotation comes from his bestselling book, I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed. Hell Yeah.)

Jesse, we here at WBPT salute you good sir. Whether it’s your xenophobic tendencies, massive biceps, drug-addled upbringing, or shorn dome, you have always been, and always will be, an inspiration for all Americans. We would gladly fly off the turnbuckle with you.

Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay

09
Feb
10

Welcome Back OB

Ladies and gentlemen today is the day your humble Captain Odysseus Bombay returns from his travels south of the equator. As he is swarmed today with airport lines and security stresses I thought it would be appropriate for his WBPT better half (me) to welcome him back to the Good Ole’ US of A in a style only found on this blog. So what follows is a collection of videos and pics that hopefully will give our man OB a sizable red, white, and blue hard-on that makes even Lady Liberty blush.

Neil McFadden




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