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Sadly I wasn’t able to make the trip down to T-Town for this weekend’s A-Day festivities, and was resigned to watching it at one of New York’s many over-priced sports bars, albeit with a host of Bama Alumni. Luckily for us, one of WBPT’s closest friends and maligned sexual miscreant, “Fernando Townsend” was down in the Promise Land for the game. This is “Fernandos” first foray into guest writing here on WBPT, and we hope his words can garner us the same attention as Kim Kardashian’s fat ass has lately (291 hits yesterday, I shit you not). Champion’s league semis start tomorrow, and we’ll have a preview or a review, depending on how lazy I am. Take it away Mr. Townsend:
Preface: The night before the game, the night before an Alabama game, I had to get a little drunk. It’s what we do. So I did. I woke up slightly sleep-deprived. Steve McGuffey had the honor of driving. One cup of McCafe Premium Roast later, Jim and I proceed to talk recruiting/all things Bama for 90 minutes.
Notes: A perfect day for football. Even by our spring standards, the day featured extraordinary weather… Bryant-Denny Stadium has a long way to go. I am sure you saw it on television, but there is some work to be done. The facility will be more than impressive when finished. One must consider BDS a top college football, nay, sporting destination, in the country. We sat second row, upper deck, 50-yard line, shade side. This may be the best seat in the house. You sit up high enough to read the secondary, blocking, etc., but low enough to identify the third string nose tackle (Nick Gentry). The stadium was full and people were standing all along the fences on field level, and the spirals headed to the upper deck had approximately 400 people on them. Alabama Nation is overwhelming. What are so many people doing at a football practice? Saban clearly loves this. I thought to myself: “it is a beautiful Saturday. This game is free entry. I am sitting in the best seat in the house, watching nothing less than 30 future NFL players on the field.” Talk about a bargain.
Warm-ups: Clearly the result of years of optimization by Czar Nicolas. After the Chinese fire drill that signals the conclusion of team stretching, the team sprints to timed stations, for example, the D-line rushing each other in the end zone; linebackers and secondary in separate units working on coverage drills; opposite half of the field split with first and second team O with dual QB repetition continuously… Here are two cool stories from the warm-ups:
1. Rolando was with the linebackers unit pumping up Dont’a, and then Hightower immediately jumped into drills with Nico and made a dazzling, fully extended one-handed interception. When #30 got up, never putting his other hand on the ball, he ran over to Rolo and started mimicking a throwing motion while holding onto the ball as if it were stuck to his hand like a little kid showing off to his buddy. Hilarious and impressive. It really is a child’s game to him.
2. There is a diesel drill I had never seen before where the first and second unit offensive and defensive line units line-up and go through pass rushing situations. It was four down D-lineman against our base O-line without a TE or H-back. At the snap, the coach yells the number of a defensive lineman and that individual player goes 100% against whatever O-lineman would be responsible for him in a game. They grapple for about 4 or 5 seconds. During this drill I first took notice of Brandon Moore. On the snap, the 19-year old literally threw freshman All-American B. Jones on his ass and got to the dummy QB. Moore has all the makings.
Stuff you’ve already heard: The hype is real with Dre. As some have begun to observe, he’s got “swag.” I do believe Dre is going to be a Patrick Peterson-type. If he stays healthy, then he may be early NFL-bound. He moves better than anyone out there. His fluidity was evident with the overhead INT of Greg that he made look easy. In pre-game, he went through every secondary repetition smoothly and he didn’t drop a single ball… BJ Scott has locked up the other spot, and appears the be poised for a productive season… no need to comment on #57… Chance Warmack appears to be the real deal. He pulls well, and we ask our OGs to do that often… DJ Fluker is the first player any fan will spot from the stands. He must be the biggest player in the history of Alabama football.
Game notes: After AJ made a beautiful throw to #3 on the trick play, we came back in the shotgun on the next play and he misread the defense. Forcing a post route into double coverage, AJ missed Brandon Gibson running totally uncovered down the seam… Greg’s INT to #21 was a bad throw. If he gets any air under that thing, it should’ve been a touchdown to Maze. I have never noticed how weak Greg’s arm is, but when AJ is down there flicking the ball 50 yards, it becomes evident… the punting improved as the game went on, but clearly Jay Williams or the unnamed walk-on is the played Czar Nicolas has in mind. But, yes, the punting looked horrible… I was able to observe from the upper deck on the other side of the field that Maze did not stay in bounds for McElroy’s flea flicker TD throw. I looked at my dad and said: “where would AJ have put that ball?”… Eddie Lacy – the hype is real.
QBs: They are all good. #14 had deceiving numbers, he is damn good. How do AJ and PSims co-exist? They probably don’t, but leave it to this staff to figure it out… I was absolutely ready to write Star Jackson off for good, but he looked enthusiastic, poised, smooth and strong. He did not make a single check off the entire game. Similar to John Parker, I knew where he was going to throw the ball before he was half-way through his drop. But, he could be a good career back-up. He played with fire, like a player that wants to earn a spot. I was impressed…
I have always wanted this to be Greg’s time. When you take into account his leadership, his understanding, his willingness to do whatever they ask him to do, the continuity of our team, it all seems that he has earned this team and gives us a good chance to win games. Greg McElroy will not lose a football game. AJ can win a football game. He made Brandon Gibson look like an NFL prospect. The game’s longest pass play, a 41-yard seam route to #11, was laid up perfectly. It was a throw that Greg has never made in his life, and AJ made it as a 19-year old. He was certainly making reads like an educated signal caller, and his touch on throws to Richardson (both the trick play and the touchdown) was unlike anything #12 can give us. At one point in my notes, probably during the 4th quarter, I just scribbled down “AJ, AJ, AJ.” As you may know, ESPN quickly cut away from the game at its conclusion. Saban made the team stay on the field for the next play, 4th down and 5. AJ threw a 50-yard laser to the back of the end zone that #11 caught over Dee Milliner and there was jubilation on the white sideline, a giant pile-up led by Star Jackson. They were legitimately pumped to have beaten the crimson. The throw was unreal. I glanced at the crimson sidelines and they looked shocked and pissed. Ingram was short in his post-game interview. I bet Saban loved it and hated it in the same moment. Another thing to chew their ass about.
Final notes: John Fulton will be the first member of his signing class to see the field. He looks ready now, expect him to play meaningful snaps next year. Milliner will be fine, just not as far along as Fulton. Milliner is going to benefit tremendously from Coach Cochran, as he’s got about 20 pounds to put on… Saban hawked the sidelines with miss terry chatting up massive black recruits on the sideline, all 100 of them. He loves recruiting his balls off. His body language is totally different when talking to recruits. He appears animated, energetic, waving his hands as if he is telling a story or joke. At one point during the game he went up to Trent Richardson and said something with that sly Saban grin and Richardson doubled over in laughter. Who knows what he said? ”Do not come in here soft today!”
AJ can hose the ball all over the field. I told my dad in the second quarter that I had seen enough, that is was time to give AJ the keys to the kingdom. Dad, half-joking: “Greg hands the ball off well.” AJ reads both sides of the field. At any moment, any throw is possible (read: we can score touchdowns.) His development will not be without mistakes, INTs, dumb sacks and fumbles, incorrect run checks and audibles, probably a few delay of game penalties. But if we want to be the high-octane offense, an offense that resembles the early decade Miami U or mid-decade USC machine, we need a quarterback. We have the talent everywhere else. I think AJ can be that quarterback. If I was a UT fan and I was at the A-Day game, I would be saying to myself: “I hope they don’t put that #10 in there.” When AJ went Brett Favre on us and hosed a frozen rope 50 yards into the leaping hands of a career back-up to lead an upset that hadn’t happened in any Saban spring game at Alabama, you knew we have a game changer in the stable.
Post-script: Our linebacking corps. Good God.
Fernando Townsend
P.S. Also of note, Saban and his fire breathing minions locked up another 4 commits for the class of 2011. DE DJ Pettway, ATH Jabriel Washington, DB (and maybe the top one in the country for ’11) Hasean Clinton-Dix, and monster DE out of Auburn, LaMichael Fanning.
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
Hey friends, thought I’d check in with yall, you know, make sure you have everything you need, make you a sandwich, rub your back, like a good boyfriend would. My ongoing romance for you, shallow-minded and sexually desperate readers, continues to haunt my every move, and like a drunk hookup, I will keep bothering you at all hours of the day until I get what I want. What is it I want you ask? Well, simply, a smile, a laugh, and the oft over-the-pants-hand-j. So with that in mind, how about a recap of the week’s events, and a look into this weekend’s games.
Big day yesterday in Munich. Bayern Munich beat Manchester United 2-1 in what I thought was a pretty dominate performance. They were clearly the better side, and if it weren’t for Edwin Van der Saar’s absurd performance in front of the ole’ onion bag, the Red Devils could have lost by way more. Wayne Rooney, Neil’s favorite cheeky bloke, scored in the first 65 seconds of the match, and it wasn’t until the 77th minute that Bayern was able to net one, with a Franck Ribery free kick deflecting off the aforementioned Brit and past the lanky Dutchman in goal.
Ernst Stavro Blofeld?? No...Franck Ribery
Then, in the 3rd minute of stoppage, Bayern’s Ivica Olic rifled a strike by Van de Saar after a sloppy clearance by Man U back Patrice Evra. 2 weeks from today the two will meet again at Old Trafford, in what is sure to be a classic. Man U has to score early and not allow Bayern a single goal, or all will be lost. Echos of the 1999 Champion’s League Final between these two ring loudly with Sir Alex Ferguson, and Man U hope to make another historic comeback to move on to the semis.
Olic sends home the winner
Lyon and Bordeaux also played on Tuesday with Lyon handing the French League champs a 3-1 defeat at the Stade Gerland with a pair of goals from Portuguese striker Lisandro Lopez. With a two goal advantage, Bordeaux will need a miracle at home to move on.
Today’s main event is Barcelona vs. Arsenal in the first leg of what should be a beautiful display of football. Barca remain the heavy favorites, but Arsene Wenger’s side is always tough in European competition. The most pressing question is the health of Arsenal captain, Cesc Fabregas. The Spaniard, who came up through Barcelona’s youth system before being sold to Arsenal at 16, bruised his knee in Saturday’s match against Birmingham, but is expected to play. I highly doubt a competitor like Fabregas will sit out this epic encounter. Also on tap is Inter Milan versus CSKA Moscow in what should be a good match. Inter are the favorites, but don’t expect CSKA to just bend over and take it. Former Barca star and Inter Milan striker Samuel Eto’o has warned his team that CSKA may be better than their last opponent, Chelsea. Now, I have to disagree with Sam here, but CSKA plays tough, fast football, and have earned their way to the quarters after eliminating a very strong Sevilla squad in the last round.
So, if you are in the mood for football like I am and can’t watch the games on TV, make sure and check out http://www.rojadirecta.com/ for links to a bunch of web streams for both of today’s games. Or if you are at work, follow the gamecasts at http://www.uefa.com. They start at 2:45 eastern.
Well, big weekend coming up. The Final Four, which means only one thing…HOT LINES. That’s right plebs, later this week Neil and I will bring you an analysis for the games this weekend with our picks straight up and against the spread. So, if you’re in the mood to lose money, make sure and check us out. That’s all for now, see yall soon.
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
Friday Cup o’ Mead
Good day plebeians, weak-minded minions of WBPT. I write to thee from New York, once again returned to this fateful isle in search of gainful employment. As I scour the steely landscape, I yearn for a bright ray of opportunity to shine through the grayed, light-polluted haze. A paycheck and health insurance my holy end, grilled cheese and Campbell’s soup my beggar’s reality. As lovely dames provide me roof and warmth, my months of unemployment bring annoyance and even resent, rightfully so says this wayward leech. I call, write, and then call again, hoping someone will take a chance on this brown-haired rouge, and open their minds to my open mouth. As I sit here in this corporate coffee shop, a weak espresso my only shield to frigid nor’easter winds, I must write, prose the only antidote to this seemingly endless cycle of despair. Yet as desperate I may seem, an appearance veiled; determined I continue, a trait better advertised.
That’s right plebs, I have to keep at it. I can’t let the letdowns get me down, or else I will never get up. So I push on. Being back in the city is great, after two weeks in Huntsville, I was beginning to feel a little worthless. But now I’m back to shaking hands, and hopefully will land some good interviews sooner than later….Ok enough. I’m guessing you probably don’t care about all that, but I had to get it off my chest.
Anyway, we have been pretty shitty lately about keeping yall up to date on March Madness, so I’ll just recap some things real quick. First off, 2010 has to be the year of the White Boy. Northern Iowa, Cornell and Duke really prove this, so big ups to their parents for bringing the orange slices and Capri Sun’s during halftime. Secondly, number 1 doesn’t mean shit. Syracuse and Kansas both get bounced before the Elite 8, both by small schools. Thirdly, the Big East was who we thought they were! At the moment there is only one Big East school left, West Virginia, who thanks to Huggy Bear’s track suits and late night Johnny Walker sessions have made it in to the final 8. Also, if you didn’t stay up to see the end of the Xavier v. K-State game you really missed out. Incredible performances from everyone on the court, and gutsy play calling and shot-taking from the underdogs. Not to sound cliché, but it was one of those games you just hope never ends. Also, Kentucky put on a show against Cornell, slipping up a little in the 2nd, but reaffirming my belief that they are by far the top team in the tournament. Oh yeah, and Fuck Duke.
Since I haven’t given yall any juicy links to check out lately (ok in forever), I thought I’d list some of the more interesting stuff I’ve been reading lately. Peace.
Real Madrid wins thanks to two wunder goals from Ronaldo and a splendid pair from Higuain.
If Women ran Wall St.
http://nymag.com/news/businessfinance/64950/?imw=Y&f=most-viewed-24h5
How Haiti saved America
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2010/03/21/how_haiti_saved_america/?page=3
Boston Globe’s the Big Picture Blog: Record Setters
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/03/record_setters.html
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
Music MANday
Hey…yeah…I’m sorry…are we weird yet?
Awkward? Yes. Hot as F? Yup.
WBPT and I have had some time off. We are weirdly awkward and apprehensive around each other, troubled lovers adrift on different paths… alas, we must come to terms.
Without going too far into why we haven’t been around lately, it’s just been a fast moving, and especially busy month or so for the both of us, and blogging has taken a backseat to other endeavors. Since, plebs, I am in Huntsville for a while, I thought I would roll out a terribly written, smarmy, and otherwise hollow Music MANday. Good to be back.
This week, Music MANday will highlight a local artist out of Tuscaloosa via Huntsville, an old friend of mine and Neil’s, Grant Willis aka White Noise, and the only male in the world to ever be the music and the MAN in Music MANday. Grant, as a solo artist and with various groups and collaborations, has provided somewhat of a college soundtrack for many of our friends. We’ve all had a wine-soaked candlelight dinner with Del or have had our Heads Blown at some point. With that in mind, I thought we should interview him here on WBPT and let those who haven’t heard his music, well, listen to it. Ahead of his forthcoming move to Chattanooga, Grant was nice enough to sit down with me and Neil. We met, somewhere along the Georgia-Alabama border, a Hardees.
An evening to remember (or not)
Odysseus: Hi, good to see you again, slut.
WHITE NOISE: You don’t call me a slut, asshole. How have you been?
Odysseus: Wonderful, but still unemployed (rubs WHITE NOISE’s back).
WHITE NOISE: Hmm. Why does Neil have his hand in is pants?
Odysseus: Don’t mind him. Tell us about your music?
WHITE NOISE: I won’t ask why you phrased that as a question, but sure, yeah. I would describe it, simply, as crunkalicious, get your sex on, party-time music.
Odysseus: Ah yes, a lovely genre. Being out of the country I’ve missed so many of you new shows, but thanks to the magic in my computer I was able to listen online. Where can we go to check it all out?
WHITE NOISE: You can check me out at various places actually. Check out my Sound Cloud for new tracks. Also, make sure and join my facebook fan page.
Odysseus: So tell us about Chattanooga. What are your plans, goals up there?
WHITE NOISE: Well, even though Chattanooga is normally thought of as a rock and country city, there is an upcoming electronic scene, with a big monthly party called Banger’s Ball, which I played recently. Also, The New Deal just played at 412 Market up there, and I had the opportunity to close for them. So to see a big monthly thing like that, and better known electronic groups finally making it down south, is badass. As far as goals go, I guess what I aim to do is continue to play in places like ATL, Nashville, Huntsville, Birmingham and Tuscaloosa, while maintaining a home base up in Chattanooga. It’s actually pretty close to all those places, so that helps.
Odysseus: How much do you hate Widespread?
WHITE NOISE: Hahaha, I don’t hate Widespread…No, I like them better now with Jimmy Herring, but that’s just not my thing really. Although have you ever noticed how every time anyone talks about a Panic show, it’s usually not about the music, but about how fucked up they got?
Odysseus: I agree. It seems like a lot of people go to shows in general, just to get fucked up, and the music almost takes a backseat. Widespread fans, even the hardcore ones, always seem to focus on the drugs and alcohol. But I guess we are all guilty of that at some point. Anyway, moving on, will you still play in the Tuscaloosa or Huntsville areas, or are you trying to spread it out more right away?
WHITE NOISE: Yes I will continue to play in Huntsville and Tuscaloosa, but be expecting to see more of me in more places, more often. Obviously I want to make Chattanooga a reference point for people wondering where I am at, but spreading it out is just natural really.
Odysseus: Well, we love your music. So make it happen. How have you enjoyed playing with artists such as Eliot Lipp, Pretty Lights, etc? And do you feel it helps bring you recognition?
WHITE NOISE: Yeah for sure. I mean, it’s fun to just go up there and have the crowd react the same way to you as they do to bigger acts, and its always encouraging and surprising. As far as the recognition thing goes, its kinda funny sometimes actually. I was in ATL for STS9 and some kid hollered out “White Noise!” as I was walking by the Tabernacle, and just to know that people in other towns appreciate your music is pretty cool.
Odysseus: Health Care?
WHITE NOISE: Do it.
Odysseus: Do me
WHITE NOISE: I don’t bang sluts.
Odysseus: Fair enough. What was it like playing in T-town during the National Championship run?
WHITE NOISE: Pretty amazing actually. The shows were one thing, but house parties really got crazy. This one party I did during the LSU weekend was ridiculous. I did about a 3 hour DJ set at a party my friends do called “Ole Sloppery” after the Pretty Lights show at the SAE house. Lots of debauchery, tits, and a “FUCK LSU!” chant on top of some drum and bass.
Odysseus: Roll Tide. So I hear you’re working on a proper album. What of it, and when are we gonna get our grubby hands on it?
WHITE NOISE: Yeah, I’ve been working on some tracks for this all original new album. It’s going to be a bunch of 70’s funk/soul/love music samples mixed in with orchestrated strings and stuff like that, and of course hip/hop and rap elements, samples from Gucci Mane, Nas, Lil Wayne and a bunch of others. After I get some help on the engineering side, mixing down and mastering them, then hopefully by this fall I will have about 8-9 tracks down. My plan then would be to tour to promote the album.
Grant at Banger's Ball in Chattanooga
Odysseus: So, what about tonight? (Grant played at Crossroads in Huntsville the day of the interview)
WHITE NOISE: Well I’ll be playing before Zoogma, and be on the lookout for some new tracks.
Odysseus: That’s what I wanted to hear. Thanks for all your grace under pressure and your great firm handshake. We admire that in our musicians. This interview has been awesome, and I think that says a lot about me.
WHITE NOISE: You’re right, and you are the best interviewer since Dr. Ruth.
Odysseus: Thanks. Do you want to go get some Bellacino’s?
Huge thanks goes out to Grant for the interview and pre-interview inspiration (a subtler wink ne’er wink-ed). For all of you who haven’t experienced Grant’s music, stop being a butthole and grip his newest stuff. That’s all for today, but don’t worry I’ll be back tomorrow or Sunday with some new material and a bunch of interesting links.
Here are some more links to Grant’s stuff, and make sure and check out all his videos on his Facebook fan page.
Blow Your Head Promo:
http://vimeo.com/8904130
A little taste of Grant with Del, playing some Talking Heads:
http://vimeo.com/8411494
Grant profiled on Banger’s Ball and here
Oh…I had to throw this pic in…
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
Wednesday Cup O’ Mead
Howdy friends.
I have been really busy trying to find a job (and drinking) since I got to NYC, so I haven’t had much time to work on the blog. This thing has gotten so fun, that I actually get upset when I’m not able to update or post something. But, since it’s Wednesday, and I have a little free time, I thought I’d bring yall an ice-cold, heaping cup o’ mead. In honor of this article’s subtle moniker, and because we haven’t ever had a beer article, I thought I would share with you some of finest brews I’ve had since I arrived in New York Cizzay. Since my long black ship rounded Ithaka and landed here in New Amsterdam I have partaken in a few hecatombs (all in my honor), flaying fatty thighs, eating the crispest chines. With such rich and salty meats, your noblest captain was sure to need a hearty swig of the celestial juice. If you are in New York City, the best place to buy imported, microbrew, and craft beer by the bottle is without a doubt New Beer Distributors. This place is to beer what Menelaus’ great hall was to desultory BJ’s from Helen. New Beer is basically a huge garage full of beer. They literally have EVERYTHING. You can pick individual beers from 6 packs, find rare single bottles from earlier seasons, from your standard 12 oz beer all the way to a fuckin’ magnum sized bottle of Stone Double Bastard. They separate all the beers by country, and I would say they have easily more than 1000 different types of beer at any given time. It’s actually quite overwhelming. I picked up a Chimay Triple, a Dogfishhead Midas Touch and Raison D’etra, a Stone Ruination IPA, a Don de Dieu from Unibroue, and a 750ml (ATTN BOB RILEY: I can buy kegs, but not big bottles? The fuck?) Brooklyn Local 1. I also spent some time in The Ginger Man and The Blind Tiger, two exceptional beer bars. Here is a list of my top 5 beers since I arrived. Since I’ve drank so many lately, I will leave you to read the reviews on BeerAdvocate.com, which is linked in the beer names.
This beer is simply amazing. Enjoyed this American quadruple on tap at the Blind Tiger on Bleeker Street.
Bought this big 750ml bottle of Belgian Strong Pale Ale at New Beer on Crystie St. Great value for this local favorite.
Had this at the Ginger Man, an absurdly badass beer bar on 36rd St and 5th ave. Probably my favorite Ale right now. Unbelievable.
Another Quadruple, this one of the traditional Belgian style.
Maybe my favorite beer (although this is always in contention), and easily the best tripel I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting. Chimay is one of 7 breweries in the world that is officially a ”trappist” brewery, that is, beer is brewed or controlled by Trappist monks.
So, if you find yourself in New York, take advantage of the incredible beer selection at almost every corner. Any Whole Foods, especially the one on Houston and Crystie (only a few blocks north of New Beer), will have a great selection. Beer bars are everywhere, and they usually have a great environment and delicious food to go along with the suds. Here is a list of my favorite beer bars in NYC (with links).
d.b.a, The Ginger Man, Blind Tiger, Rattle N’ Hum
I am in NYC until further notice, then back to that 256 for a while. Hope to see yall (no not you blogger.com troll) soon and share some cold adult beverages. Oh yeah, and pray I get a job.
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
Music MANday….AMERICA EDITION
FUCK. REALITY. YES. BEER AND TITS.
FUCK. APPLEBEES. YES. NASCAR
FUCK. FOOTBALL’S OVER. YES. MARCH MADNESS
FUCK. NO MORE TROPICAL CLIMATE. YES. FUCK WAIT, NO MORE TROPICAL CLIMATE.
FUCK. NO MORE:
YES. WANT MORE.
Yes plebs, I am officially back in the good ole, US of A. My true mother country, and the best place on planet earth. I will miss Colombia’s unmatched natural beauty, its outstanding (and underrated) cuisine, its supple-assed, tanned stunners, and its more laid-back lifestyle, but I cannot be more excited about being back. I mean where else can you down update your blog via wi-fi, check out fine high school jailbait, overhear annoying Yankees talk about how great their round of golf was, check out jailbait again, think about punching that crying baby, nah McKenzie and her UCA camp-mates might not like that, eye-fuck the shit out of the chick sitting next to the dude in the Affliction tee, get bitched out by a fat ass security guard that probably doesn’t speak English, all the while sucking down a 96 oz. Dr. Pepper? Wait…What’s that you say? I’m in Orlando? Florida? 4 hour layover? Homeland Security? Did you say Florida?
Shit.
Yes, airports . The bane of my existence. As I sit here and write, I think simple thoughts, those of common men I rarely associate with. I wonder if the quasi-Dominican Homeland Security drone really did enjoy cupping my balls and sniffing my taint for plastic explosives, or if that smug pedophile smile was just a courtesy “fuck you very much” he gives to every unsuspecting traveler? Either way, since I am stuck here at fateful gate 112 for the next couple of hours, I might as well wallow in misery with you plebs, my loyal companions.
Today’s (and as usual, late) edition of Music MANdays, is my first blog post stateside. And I will accompany this epic genre-busting event with the most American playlist humanly possible. Most of these songs need no explanations if you bleed like I bleed: RED. WHITE. AND SEX.
- Born in the U.S.A by Bruce Springsteen. Oh come on now.
- This.
- New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. Michael Buble = UNAMERICAN.
- This Must be the Place (Naïve Melody) by the Talking Heads.Well, not O-town, but you get the idea.
- America by Neil Diamond. YEP.
- New York State of Mind by NAS. I don’t sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death. Oh yeah, and NAS…hip hop is not dead. Unless it’s on the radio. Oh.
And now…the MAN.
This week’s MAN is none other than Jesse “The Body” Ventura.
“Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff (chewing tobacco) will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.” (From Predator)
The Body has to be the manliest man we’ve profiled to date. First let’s take a look at his ultra-manly CV:
Describes himself as a Slovak. (Fuckin’ right he does)
Killed Charlies in Vietnam
After the war, served with the Navy’s Underwater Demolition Team, now the Navy SEALs
Member of the the Mongols Motorcyle Gang in San Diego back in 73, a known criminal syndicate at the time
Pro Wrestler
Pro Badass “Blain” in Predator
Fuckin’ Governor of Minnesota (SUPPORTS LEGALIZED PROSTITUTION)
So that’s quite promising. And fucking manlier than shit. You can joke about The Body all you want, call him a hypocrite, racist, but when it comes down to it, he is about as American as it gets. Of course, unless you ask him about religion. “Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people’s business.” You may not agree with this quote, but you can’t argue with him. OR YOU DIE BY MINI GUN. (Fun fact: this quotation comes from his bestselling book, I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed. Hell Yeah.)
Jesse, we here at WBPT salute you good sir. Whether it’s your xenophobic tendencies, massive biceps, drug-addled upbringing, or shorn dome, you have always been, and always will be, an inspiration for all Americans. We would gladly fly off the turnbuckle with you.
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
National Signing Day Cup O’ Mead
The biggest day in the College Football offseason was today, and in honor we bring you a special balls-to- the-wall, orgy-inducing, NATIONAL SIGNING DAY CUP O’ MEAD. Both Neil and I present the day that was for our respective universities, with the same brazen and totally meaningless predictions you have come to love.
WAIT! DON TIBBLES WORKS FOR RIVALS?
All week fans all around the country have hunkered around their computers late into the night, hoping for some “insider” information on their favorite recruits, and praying that their schools would land a Dean Portman type. This may seem innocent, but to those familiar with the year round process, it is anything but. It actually gets a little creepy. Over at The Mainboard, Rivals, and other recruiting websites, message boards are filled with grown men stalking high school seniors on Facebook, and posting the latest info they got from “This dude I worked with in college who follows Seantrel Henderson’s junior-year girlfriend on Twitter”. I myself have fallen into this depravity. Last night I spent a good 45 minutes watching USCw commit, and Georgia’s favorite wordsmith of a wide receiver, Markeith Ambles (Go Trogans!) talk into his webcam. Ambles had set up a web stream to talk about his recruiting process, and I was among the 650+ viewers. Of course, like any other blurry webcam video from a 17 year old, it was a huge letdown (Principle Rooney strokes his moustache in agreement). Basically he just sat there checking out his hair, answering about 500 phone calls, and GIVIN A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MA BOI RICK UP IN THAT TENNESSEE!
Markeith Ambles, a man of refined tastes...AND GOIN BONE TO BONE
So as disgusted and/or perplexed as you may be by our weirdo antics and general lack of “lives”, Neil and I pride ourselves on getting to know all these kids the best we can before they sign their letters of intent, and enjoy making bold predictions about future players. I will however admit that it gets a little redundant. How many times can one read “Boy’s gonna be a stud. Has all the physical tools to compete at the next level “and “We picked up a big commit today, in all senses of the word”? HARHARHAR, oh wait, excuse me while I shank myself in the eyeballs. Anyway, NSD2010 for UA and UGA lacked some of the drama from last year, and there wasn’t anything near as newsworthy as Dre “Count Swaggula” Kirkpatrick’s gem of an interview, but a lot did happen, and we’re here to tell you about it.
First up, Neil’s thoughts on UGA’s 2010 recruiting class:
Well slap me stupid and call me Jasper Sanks, National Signing Day has come to an end and it looks like UGA will have it’s first non-top 10 recruiting class since 2001 (unless you follow the ESPN rankings in which case we’re #9). The Dawgs whiffed on a few choice prospects including but not limited to Kadron Boone (LSU), Jeff Whitaker (AU), Telvin Smith (F$U), and Chrisitan Green (F$U) that would’ve really helped the class and the team. 5 Star wideout Da’Rick Rogers decided he would pull a Dwayne Allen and switch his commitment on signing day as he decommitted from UGA and committed to the hicks in K’ville. This move accompanied by 4 star CB Nickell Robey’s decision to change his commitment from UGA to USCw early Wednesday morning accounted for Georgia’s quick drop in the recruiting rankings.
The day was not a total loss for the Dawgs, as they added the signatures of 4 star Stephenson (Stone Mountain, GA) DT Mike Thornton and 2 star Wilcox County WR Ronnie Outlaw. Thornton was the 10th best prospect in the state and was a very important piece of the puzzle, as the Dawgs lose 3 DTs to the NFL this year. Thornton and fellow DT commit Garrison Smith (7th overall GA prospect) will be looking to make a big impact in new Defensive Coordinator Todd Grantham’s 3-4 set as freshmen next fall. I know what you’re all thinking, other than the fact his name is Outlaw why would UGA sign a 2 star WR? Well for starters Outlaw’s size speaks for itself, at 6’7″ and 200 lbs. he has ridiculous potential to beef up and win every jump ball thrown his way. He will have to go to Georgia Military College for a year to improve academically, which is probably a reason he was ranked so low. He is also the cousin and good friend of 2011 prospect Nick Marshall of Wilcox County, so it looks like Coach Richt and Coach Bobo have their sights set on this potential 5 star dual threat QB for next year’s class. These two welcome additions rounded out UGA’s 2010 class at 19 signees.
TJ Stripling, in all his Men's Wearhouse Glory
The 2010 class may have stumbled a bit into the finish but that doesn’t mean that it lacks talent. UGA managed to get 4 of the top 10 prospects from the state of Georgia to come to Athens and 9 of the top 50. Combine that with 4 recruits from Florida and 1 from South Carolina and the class stacks up quite nicely. Some names to remember from this class are S/LB Alec “Tree” Ogletree (a huge safety who reminds many of Thomas Davis), DE/LB T.J. Stripling (6’6″ BEAST), RB Ken Malcome (6’0″ 213 lb. Ingram-esque bruiser), S Jakar “Hitman” Hamilton (early enrollee, may start immediately), and OT Brent Benedict (when healthy, he’s as good as another Stinchcomb).
Hitman and Tree...the future of UGA's secondary
Overall the Dawgs filled the spots we needed to. Sure we missed on the #1 prospect in the state in Da’Rick Rogers, but if nothing else it’s karma for taking the top 2 prospects from the state of Tennessee a year ago (Marlon Brown & Austin Long). Many will degrade this class as sub-par. Well guess what? That’s what happens when you go 8-5. Anything less than 10 wins next year is unacceptable. Look for Redshirt Frosh Aaron Murray to line up behind a stacked O-line surrounded by tons of talent and the new-look 3-4 Grantham D to take names and kick ass. A lot to like about the 2010 Bulldogs, even with a lackluster recruiting class. Stay tuned to WBPT for tons of Georgia Football Hype.
Neil McFadden
Good stuff per usual from the man in Red and Black. And now, my look into Bama’s latest haul:
Well folks, business as usual for Overlord Saban and his cast of blood thirsty Basilisks. Even after two consecutive #1 recruiting classes, 2 SEC West titles, and a National Goddamn Championship, Bama had some holes to fill. This is due in large part to the departure of numerous seniors as well as Rolo and Kareem Jackson as juniors. Bama finished with the #5 recruiting class per Rivals.com, getting a great boost in the trenches and a hell of a lot of speed, which will hopefully allow us to continue our transition from an all-out physical running team, to a more balanced attack with more options to open things up.
Before I go into analyzing my favorite standouts from this class, the controversy surrounding 5-star defensive back Keenan Allen must be discussed. Allen had been committed to Bama for sometime, before shit just got crazy this week. Apparently Allen wanted to play with his half-brother Zach Maynard, former Buffalo QB who left after Turner Gil signed up to coach Kansas, and their mother seemed to be pulling the strings towards the home stretch. Needless to say, the rumors began flying around. So Saban didn’t want to offer Maynard a scholly just to land the big fish, that maybe he did offer, then maybe Keenan really did want to go to Clemson, or was it Cal? Really just a big bumfuck. Then the truth came out. Keenan was working with a handler/pimp/shady motherfucker (remember Arthur and Bryce Brown?) by the name of Otis Yelverton. Now the details are sketchy, but it seems Saban may have stopped any efforts to get Allen if he had to deal with ole Otis, and I don’t blame him. One player isn’t worth the possible investigations and shady back room dealings. Congrats to Cal for pulling in a true playmaker, and moreover, congrats to Allen’s mom, whom should be enjoying her new home and Range Rover any day now.
Otis Yelverton. Don't worry, he wasn't a coach at Cal. He just loves exploiting high schoolers and wearing terrific hats.
Man, I’m glad that shit is over, but I had to report it. Anyway, now on to the meat and potatoes. My 4 favorites from the swaggeriffic class of 2010. Oh yeah, click on their names for their highlight videos.
1. My favorite recruit from this year’s class has to be Deion Belue, a 3 star cornerback out of Tuscumbia, and maybe somewhat of a sleeper in this class. In my opinion this guy has a hell of a lot of upside. 6 foot, 175 pounds with a promising frame, and lightning quick. Hopefully Deion can qualify academically, anyone who returns 7 punts for touchdowns IN SEVEN STRAIGHT GAMES is a bonified playmaker/babymaker. Look for him to be our return man sooner than later.
SWAGG rating: Jules Winnfield after a fresh jheri curl.
2. Next up is arguably the best QB in the country for 2010, Chesapeake, Virginia’s Philip Sims. This 4-star was a HUGE pull for Saban and Co. as we pulled one of the nation’s top prospects out of a state we hardly recruit, and gave us a clear recruiting class leader. Sims has a laser arm and at 6-2, 209, great potential to be a formidable force in the coming years. I would expect Sims to take a redshirt this coming year as GMac is coming back, with budding star AJ McCarron backing him up. Sims should benefit tremendously from their tutelage, and I forsee him panning out a hell of a lot better than Star Jackson has. Also, he has the Predator look going, which always means greatness.
SWAGG rating: Al Green’s afro pick
3. 4-star Alfy Hill out of North Carolina (TAKE YA SHIRT OFF!) is a true animal, and I expect big things from this strong-side DE. I love his long huge arms, and moreover, his name. Alfy will most likely play a stand up LB in the 3-4, and I can’t wait to see him wreck havoc off the edge. We needed some pass rushers in this class, and Alfy definitely fits the mold after recording 112 tackles, 15 for a loss, and 12 sacks during his senior year. Also of note, Alfy is the first player that Bama has signed out of NC since the 80’s.
SWAGG rating:
4. This class is full of great choices, and I want to write about all of them (No I don’t), but my final swagg star for tonight is Mobile’s Jalston Fowler. The 4-star fullback, yes fullback, is a true freak of nature. Dude looks like a Spanish bull. Fowler, as well as being a beast-mode running back/fullback in high school, was a serious LB. I expect him to project as an OLB rather than a RB at Bama, especially after he starts a D-1 weight and nutrition program.
SWAGG rating: Ving Rhames before he started doing shitty comedies.
Besides these guys, Bama loaded up almost everywhere. Among the 6 defensive backs we picked up, 5-star DeMarcus Milliner and 4-star John Fulton are the true stars, and the future of our secondary that going into next year will average 6-foot-2 and 200 lbs. 6-7 Brian Volger is a massive TE with mitts reminiscent of Ole Sure Hands Will Oakley (Ok he wasn’t a TE, but he was white, so fuck you). Add in stud LB C.J. Mosley, who should be a monster once he gets his turn. We also got some solid prospects for the O-line in Arie “I can’t wait til Verne Lundquist tries to pronounce my name” Kouandjio and corn-fed white boys Chad Lindsey and Austin Shepard. Oh, and I almost forgot, we got a punter and a kicker to replace Van Jr. and P.J. All in all, a great class, and a lot to look forward to in the coming years. In Saban’s name we pray.
Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay
