epic post

Like a famished Grizzly freshly awaken from his winter slumber I return to you noble readers of WBPT. Apologies for my absence will do no good, for the time that has passed is simply an errant nightmare, you all deserve better. I aim to deliver, the time to post has arrived. Your studious first mate has been kriss-krossing this great land in search of that daily activity which gives us all a sense of importance while simultaneously filling our checking accounts with the fruits of our labor. I, like your Captain OB, am unemployed and that my friends is a much busier occupation than you may imagine. Just last week I left my home in the South Carolina low-country to pursue professions in the great Rocky Mountains, Denver specifically, one of my favorite cities in the US. While that venture went without a hire it did not pass idly by as many leads were developed and, if I choose, an opportunity to relocate would certainly bear fruit. After a short stint back in SC I am off later this week to the South’s King City, the land of my birth, Atlanta in search of more opportunities. But enough about me, it is too long and depressing a story lately to comprehend or even really care about. I have decided to make this an epic post, one that will encompass the tremendous occurrences in sports, music, and culture in the last few days and weeks. I hope this effort will make up for my absence, but you must read on to find out.

Rawr

OB will surely hate me for doing this, since he has been a card-carrying member of the Duke-haters Club ever since I’ve known him. But how ’bout them Blue Devils? The most absurd looking of the number 1 seeds actually became better when 7’1″ bearded-paint-dweller Brian Zoubek became a starter after the loss to Maryland late in the regular season. The fighting Kryzewskis dominated the ACC tournament and were all set to make a run at the title. I personally had the boys from Durham losing in the Elite 8 to Villanova, but when the Wildcats bowed out early to cinderella St. Mary’s it made Duke’s path that much easier.  The Dukies fought off Baylor to earn their spot in the Final Four and played their best game of the year against West Virginia to make it to the Championship. I personally loved this Championship game. It was a typical David vs. Goliath sure but what I loved the most about it was that of the 10 starting basketball players from Duke and Butler, half of them were white boys. Duke’s fantastically pale trio of Scheyer, Singler, and Zoubek proved too much for the hometown Butler Bulldogs and Coach K won his 4th Title at Duke in what was one of the better Championship games in recent memory. A big Duke high-five to all my fellow frontrunners who have loved the Blue Devils since the days of Hurley and Hill.

That's What I Call Diversity

Well the end of college basketball means there must be something to fill this massive sports void in my soul. There must be some sport that encompasses all that is and was good in America. Something that brings people together, spanning thousands of miles and defines a common thread among generations. What could it be?

Thank you Terrance Mann, I mean James Earl Jones. Baseball. God I love it. There is nothing more perpetually American than baseball. Nothing makes me realize that summer is imminent more than baseball. With opening day happening yesterday and my hometown Braves ripping the absolute dog shit out of the Cubs I couldn’t be more excited about this season. It is Bobby Cox’s last season as Braves manager and the boys from the Ted have a legitimate shot at making the playoffs. As a boy I attended a World Series game in 1992 when Atlanta played Toronto, my all-time favorite player is Chipper Jones (UFag bias and Hooters babies aside, he’s a baller), and when David Justice hit that solo-shot to win the 1995 World Series it immediately became my greatest sports memory. I love the Braves and I love baseball. This season is going to be exciting to watch. As 20 year old, number 1 prospect Jason Heyward hit a 3-run bomb with his first major league swing he ushered in a new era of Braves baseball, one that hopefully will send Bobby Cox out with a title of some kind.  Here’s to $2 tickets, $4 hot dogs, and $6 domestic beers.

Feels Good Man

Speaking of the Rites of Spring, there is another one this week. It is the Jim Nantz jizz-fest aka the Masters. This year I hope that mainstream America holds their collective obsession of the philanderer elsewhere as the Masters is one of the last remaining utterly pure sporting events. That is the last I will speak of that. If you are a true sports fan, then Augusta National Golf should be at the very top of your Sports Bucket List. I myself have been 3 times to the tournament itself (practice rounds are for suckers) and usually can be found walking around with my jaw somewhere around my ankles, or propped on a hillside with a $1.50 beer. It is truly a sight to behold, one of Golf’s many meccas, but the US’s only true Golf Capital. Augusta in early April is a fantastically beautiful place, azaleas and dogwoods blooming, sorostitutes from nearby UGA and South Carolina clad in stunning sundresses and skirts that do as the wind bids them, and the sweet sounds of titanium on plastic. I hope to everything that this weekend is more about the other men on the course, those that are actually competing for a green jacket, because in a world filled with distractions it would be nice to just watch some guys play some amazing golf at a truly amazing place.

Amen Corner - Augusta National Golf Club

Alright enough sports talk for today. There are a couple of movie trailers running on most cable networks right now that have caught my attention. Not for the movies themselves but for who is in them. Death at a Funeral and The Losers both star a certain up and coming actress who has appeared in Avatar, Star Trek, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Drumline. Zoe Saldana is a New Jersey born, Dominican/Puerto Rican, actress and she has me wanting moar. This chick is unreal. I mean I first took notice when she was lookin’ supa-fine opposite Nick “Wil-n-Out” Cannon in 2002′s supersmash Drumline, and since then I have been keeping tabs on her. Death at a Funeral‘s cast alone will probably have me redboxing it in a few months (doesn’t hurt that it’s rated R, might catch it in theaters), The Losers looks like a quality summer shoot-em-up and there is no lack of great character names so I will be catching this one when it comes out (plus Zoe looks great in the trailer). This chick is about to blow up, I guess this is the Woman version of Music MANday, as we at WBPT salute Ms. Saldana and all she undertakes in the future.

Looked me dead in the face, asked cash or credit...

Now on to another Goddess named Zoe. Or I guess, Zooey. In this section of Epic Post I will be discussing 3 of my favorite albums to come out in 2010, the first of which is She & Him – Volume Two. For those that don’t know, She & Him is comprised of musical renaissance man M. Ward and actress/singer/blue-eyed sex kitten Zooey Deschanel. Simply put, if you like Zooey’s voice then buy this album. It is heads and tails above Volume One, her lyrics are simple and meaningful and his guitar bleeds through every track as they mix together to make a 50′s style folk masterpiece. See and hear the first single from the album below, if you dig it I suggest you purchase the rest.

Favorite album number two of 2010 is the debut album from a band called Local Natives, an LA based group who describe their sound as “afropop-influenced guitars with hyperactive drumming and hooky three-part harmonies” and if that doesn’t make you want to take a listen, then maybe the video below will (very cool). This is another must have album. The Local Natives are kind of a mixture of the Arcade Fire and Vampire weekend but that doesn’t really do them justice, these guys are definitely a group to keep an eye on.

Favorite album number three is also from a new group on the scene. Mumford & Sons released their freshman effort Sigh No More back in October 2009 over in the UK and it was just released over here in the states. This album is the shit. If you’re a fan of stringy, loud, folky groups like the Avett Brothers and Frightened Rabbit then this is the album for you. Probably the best all-around album I’ve heard since Phoenix’s Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. Seriously buy this album, download it, rip it, get it somehow. You won’t regret it.

Alright friends, I’m all posted out. But before I leave you I just wanted to give you a heads up on some great music coming out in May. Indie music phenomenon The National will release their album High Violet on May 11, below is a clip of them performing a track from that effort on the Jimmy Fallon Show. Below that is Charleston’s favorite local sons (ok, besides Hootie) and their first ever video of any kind from the upcoming album Infinite Arms that comes out on May 18th.

Looking forward to this summer, the music, the sports, the drinks, and the broads. Thanks for your patience. Stay tuned.

-Neil

Music MANday

What up my ninjas? Sorry about the late post yet again, been taking a beating this last week. The job market continues to kick your boy Neil right in the marbles on a daily basis, pair that with a lingering stomach virus and you have one pathetic summabitch. I would like to say something to our loyal readers concerning my BCS article last week. In no way do I see that scenario actually happening. It makes too much sense. Many folks close to the Big-10 were not so thrilled by my portrayal of their conference (which is terrible, I stand by that) and that they should simply take Iowa State as a 12th team. Missouri would make much more sense, as would Pittsburgh or Notre Dame as possible additions to the conference. They bring in more revenue and create a larger target market area (St. Louis, Pittsburgh, Chicago) for the Big-10. The addition of ISU is too neat, but was necessary to make the rest of my formula work. I’ll just leave this issue closed, but fully expect Colorado to leave for the Pac-10 and the Big-10 to add another team. Obviously these moves will have massive ramifications in the College Football arena, we’ll just have to wait and see what those are.

Music MANday is gonna be a little different this week, as I thought we would switch up the usual routine of reviewing albums and recommending our favorite funky tunes. This week I will simply post 4 of my favorite music videos, designed to excite your ears and your eyes in an attempt to incorporate some aesthetic pleasure to your reading/listening/viewing experience. Here we go.

Stick with this one, I love this concept:

Awesome video from my favorite band of 2008:

I just really like this video, shows you can do cool shit on a budget:

One of my favorite videos of all time:

If you haven’t been watching the Olympics then shame on you. People have been ripping these 2010 games lately but it still continues to be one of the most exciting and competitive competitions since Lillehammer in 1994. That being said, this week’s man can only be a certified badass from the Winter Olympic spectrum.

“I’m just trying to ski in a way that’s exciting for me. It’s been an awesome two weeks, I’ve gotten to party and socialize on an Olympic level.” No this isn’t your fraternity social chair after that sweet, Olympic themed mixer with ADPi that saw an unseasonable amount of snow for October. That quote comes from this weeks man icon, Bode Miller. Aside from sharing a name with Swayze’s best character, Bode Miller is the most prolific American alpine skier of all time. He was the overall World Cup Champion in 2005, won 2 silver medals in the Salt Lake Olympics in 2002, became only the 5th man ever to win events in all 5 disciplines (slalom, giant slalom, combined, super-G, and downhill) in 2004, and is a 4-time World Champion in 4/5 disciplines.

What most people don’t know about Bode is that his parents are hippies. Yeah, hippies. He was born in Easton, New Hampshire and grew up in nearby Franconia on 450 acres in a log cabin with no electricity or indoor plumbing. This fucking kid had to walk to an outhouse to take a dump through 6 feet of snow when he was only 3 feet tall. To solidify his parents as raging hippies it may be interesting to our readers that his younger sister’s full name is Genesis Wren Bungo Windrushing Turtleheart, they celebrated the solstices, and Bode was home-schooled until the third grade. When his parents divorced Bode attended public school in NH, and then applied and was accepted to a ski academy in Maine and the rest is history.

Most people are familiar with Bode’s persona, his hard-living, unapologetic pursuit of perfection. Reporters have torn him up, ripped his credibility to the ground, calling him a waste of talent and someone who is more interested in having fun than competing. That is not who Bode Miller is. True he does like to party, but his recent Bronze Medal in Vancouver shows that he also trains as hard or even harder than he parties. He once described coming out of an alcohol induced blackout mid-way through a downhill race. WHAT?! You know how fucking hard core you have to be to pull that shit off? Sure he has had trouble with authority, he quit the US Ski team in 2007 and formed Team America (Fuck Yeah) in order to train and race the way he wanted, but in recent years he has become a father and has settled back into being the best skier that he can be (also rejoined Team USA). One thing is for sure, we are lucky to have him on our side. Bode, we here at WBPT wish you the best on your final 4 races in Vancouver. We will toast many a shot-ski to your successes and failures. We envy your ability to live on the edge of out-of-control and perfect speed. America, fuck yeah indeed.

“My actions are not always consistent. I’m super-mellow and laid back, but I’m always thinking and running 100,000 scenarios through my head. Sometimes I’m disciplined, but I like to be a total slacker, too. I party hard, but I train hard. People are going to try and figure me out and figure out my motivations, and it’s going to be a circus.” – Bode Miller

Neil McFadden

BCS Conference Realignment

The Pac-12? The Big Midwest? Change!?!? These things may be closer than we think. With the Pac-10 openly looking to expand and the Big-10 in talks with the University of Texas to join their conference one thing is for certain, major change is eminent in college football.

I don’t care who you are or who you pull for, as a college football fan you have to recognize the dominance of the SEC and the Big-12 in recent years. Why this apparent massive separation of competition? Why this plethora of talent and championships? Simple, size. These two power conferences have 12 teams and each sport a Conference Championship game every December. The size dictates more competition, more competition dictates better athletes, and better athletes dictate trophies, bragging rights, and multi-million dollar paydays (for the universities of course). Well it seems that the weaker other conferences have finally caught on and are looking to expand.

There has been much speculation about who will go where and what affect it will have. Lucky enough for you your boy Neil here was awake late last night devising a delightfully ingenious plan that will not only bolster the competition in major college football, help quell the ensuing riot for a Division I-A (I know, I know FBS) playoff, it will help you win every argument about this subject for the foreseeable future. So here we go.

The Pac-10 adds Colorado and Utah becoming the Pac-12

Ask anyone who is familiar with the University of Colorado and they will tell you it is already a Pac-10 school. Their academic standards are far superior to any other school in the Big-12 (their current conference), and most of their Alumni either hail from the west coast or end up there after graduation.  Add that to the fact that they’re mostly pot-smokin’, super-liberals who almost joined the Pac-10 in 1994 and you can pretty much guarantee that the Buffs will end up in the new Pac-12.

It will take some more work for Utah to join the Pac-10 but not as much as it would for Boise State, the other team considered for the final spot in the new Pac-12. The thing that rules out Boise is their academic standards, while not incredibly lower than Utah’s, they are still lower. Utah has their own issues to deal with however. Being the flagship school of one of the most consistently conservative states in the nation coupled with serious ties to the Mormon faith will make it a challenge for the Utes to join the liberal core of the current Pac-10. The Utes do have the advantage of a gigantic endowment ($503 million/yr, 10 times more than Boise’s) and the fact that they are the most progressive of the Utah Universities (only medical school in the state is at UU).

So how will this new Pac-12 Conference stack up? A North and South Division with a championship game played in San Francisco.

North Division

1. Oregon
2. Oregon State
3. Washington
4. Washington State
5. Utah
6. Colorado

South Division

1. USC
2. UCLA
3. Stanford
4. California
5. Arizona
6. Arizona State

The Big-10 adds Iowa State becoming the Big Midwest

This should have already happened. There is absolutely no reason why Iowa should be in one conference and Iowa State in another. Iowa is Big-10 country and if you don’t believe me, go visit. It is just as grey and boring as Michigan and Ohio, and their brand of football is just as outdated and mundane. As most of you know the Big-10 actually has 11 teams already, needing only one more to become super-conference eligible. The blue hairs of the Big-10 have stood idly by in recent years, content to let Ohio State win the league by default and then get waxed by a superior super-conference team in a MNC. No more! The Big-10 can’t become the Big-12 for obvious reasons, but I like the ring of the Big Midwest or even the Great Lakes Conference.

So how will the Big Midwest stack up? An East and West Division (which geographically will look more like a Northwest and Southeast division, but thats too confusing) and a championship game in Chicago.

East Division

1. Penn State
2. Ohio State
3. Purdue
4. Indiana
5. Northwestern
6. Illinois

West Division

1. Michigan
2. Michigan State
3. Minnesota
4. Wisconsin
5. Iowa
6. Iowa State

Now you’re probably asking, “Neil, you’ve decimated the Big-12 North to fulfill your pipe dreams of a better Pac-10 and Big-10, so what the hell are you gonna do about it?” Well children, here is actually what makes all these moves so important.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State move to the Big-12 North, TCU and BYU join the Big-12 South

Moving the Oklahoma schools evens the balance of power in the Big-12, something the conference hasn’t enjoyed since Nebraska had Eric Crouch (hahaha) and Tommy Frazier before that. TCU and BYU have more than shown their worth by competing with Big-12 schools, BYU beat Oklahoma in ’09 and TCU destroyed Baylor in it’s season opener in ’07. TCU showed this past year they deserve to be a BCS school, why not give them a shot? BYU’s religious ties would not be as much of a problem for the Big-12 as it would be for the Pac-10, and they have proven their fans are willing and able to travel to support the Cougars. These two teams are a combined 63-15 over the last three seasons, I don’t know about you but I would like to see them tee it up in a super-conference.

The new look Big-12 will keep it’s current North and South division setup and it’s championship game in Dallas.

North

1. Oklahoma
2. Oklahoma State
3. Missouri
4. Kansas
5. Kansas Sate
6. Nebraska

South

1. Texas
2. Texas A&M
3. Texas Tech
4. TCU
5. Baylor
6. BYU

There you have it. There is Neil McFadden’s dream Football Bowl Subdivision super-conference set-up. The most important aspect of this scenario is that it takes the wind out of the Mid-Major Conference’s argument for a playoff. This process adds 3 mid-major noisemakers (Utah, BYU, TCU) to major conferences leaving only Boise State on the outside looking in. The Neil McFadden System (as this will henceforth be referred to as, or as the NMS) will succeed to silence most (3/4) of the most consistently annoying mid-major teams by simply making them major teams by, to borrow a phrase, putting their money where their mouth is.

For those in favor of a playoff format, this is actually a small step toward that. These super-conferences will have championship games, and the winners of these games will be the unanimous #1 team of their league. As has been seen lately, the winners of these championship games are more likely to move up in the BCS poll late in the season. With 5 (ACC, SEC, Big-12, Pac-12, Big Midwest) super-conferences in the NMS, it would be assumed these teams would rank 1-5 in the BCS. If not, they would at least compose half of the top ten. By simplifying the ranking process and pushing the BCS closer to a de facto system of champions in specific bowls the NMS makes Championship Saturday and the BCS Bowls look more like a bracket. Basically the NMS is a win-win, and the future of college football. Thank you.

Neil McFadden

Welcome Back OB

Ladies and gentlemen today is the day your humble Captain Odysseus Bombay returns from his travels south of the equator. As he is swarmed today with airport lines and security stresses I thought it would be appropriate for his WBPT better half (me) to welcome him back to the Good Ole’ US of A in a style only found on this blog. So what follows is a collection of videos and pics that hopefully will give our man OB a sizable red, white, and blue hard-on that makes even Lady Liberty blush.

Neil McFadden

Hot Lines

Bitches, blow, beaches, BOWL. It’s Super Bowl XLIV in Miami and it’s the season finale of Hot Lines. Ladies and gentlemen never has this title been more appropriate as the stage is set for an epic showdown in the newly tagged Sun Life Stadium. Just so we’re clear it’s a party in the city where the heat is on, all night on the beach til the break of dawn. Welcome to Miami. In my opinion pro football’s crowning moment can’t get a better setting than South Beach. I mean it’s everything that is the NFL, super-hot women in super-tiny clothes and super awesome dudes doing super awesome drugs things. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to experience in person. If your boy Neil was down there I assure you I would come back bearing nothing but reports of money well spent on shame and regret. No singles left in this guy’s pocket, only some spent plastic corners and a crushed soft pack of Marlboros. I would bring my A game, never take no for an answer, no fences to hold this guy in, I may go as far as to…push it to the limit:

Sorry, drifting off there reminiscing about sophomore year. Speaking of the vices of an invincible 20 year old let’s get to the gambling shall we? In addition to picking the winner of this year’s contest we will be picking a number of prop bets that may or may not be related to football at all. These bets include:

1. Winner against the spread (Line is Colts -5)
2. Super Bowl MVP
3. The over/under of the length of the National Anthem at 1:42
4. The coin toss
5. Windmill guitar strokes that Pete Townshend of The Who rocks at the halftime show
6. The over/under on the number of times the producers switch the cameras to Kim Kardashian  at 4.5

So this is how it’s gonna go. Enter Carrie Underwood in all her middle-American (Idol) glory. She belts the National Anthem, bringing tears to Romo’s regretful eyes as well as giving every white male aged 25-40 a semi, and finishes just under the 1:42 mark. I also would like to believe she wears something gold and short, right above the knee. Matching heels, but not more than 4 inches. But I digress.

I don’t know who will be in charge of referee duties on Sunday, but if there is a God it will be Ed Hochuli. His arms scare the shit out of me. Not like Are You Afraid of the Dark scared, like Brian Dawkins and Ray Lewis guarding the fiery gates scared. If Hochuli does the coin toss, it may be awhile until the commemorative silver piece re-enters the atmosphere. But it will most certainly be tails. Why? Because as my younger brother Lenny “Lemonbeard” McFadden always says before he beats my ass in NCAA Football 2010, “Tails Never Fails”.

As for the actual game, whoever gets the ball first will score. Then we will have a few drives end in turnovers and/or 3rd and short stoppages. The first quarter will end in disappointment in regard to both these teams’ offensive prowess. In the second quarter things will get poppin’.  Brees will connect with Reggie Bush on a slip-screen for 30+ yards and a TD (cue KK, I’ll get to that later). Manning answers with a bomb to Pierre Garcon (Breaking news: I got more rhymes than J.D.’s got Salinger’s) that sets up a first and goal for Joseph Addai, ’nuff said. I’m feeling myself get a little too specific, so I will just say that the first half will end with the Saints on top by 3 or less.

The halftime show will suck, make no mistake. These things really piss me off. They throw a ton of money at an iconic band and then surround them with fake fans and flag waving teenagers from the local high school. The timing and acoustics of a 50-yard line stage built in a matter of minutes spells musical fail for anyone. The Who will do their best, and look for Pete Townshend to windmill strum 5 times at the very most. Any more and he will be visiting Dr. James Andrews in Birmingham next week.

The second half will be the Joseph Addai show, as Darren Sharper makes a point to return a Peyton pick for six and the Colts look to rely heavily on the run and short passing game to control the clock and keep their defense rested. Clock management will pay dividends, keeping Brees and the boys off the field and landing the Colts their second Super Bowl ring in 4 years. Colts win the game 34-28 with Joseph Addai as your MVP.

I’m having the most trouble with the Kim Kardashian bet. It’s obvious that the amount of times she is shown is directly related to Reggie Bush’s success on the field. I’m gonna say even if he doesn’t do squat they show her twice, but I don’t know where to go after that. I really don’t know about this chick. She has an unreal ass but I mean she didn’t even take her bra off in her own sex tape (email me for link). On the other hand she does have a well manicured Britney, so what to do? I don’t think Reggie Bush has an outrageously good game, 1 TD and less than 100 yards rushing and receiving. Fuck it, it’s Miami and she will be flaunting it, whatever it may be. I’m going with the over as the CBS guys will show her and all her curvaceous glory at least 5 times.

That’s all I got folks. As always bet early and often, takes money to make money. McFadden out.

Now a prediction from your noble captain Odysseus Bombay:

I wish I was in Miami right now. Hanging out at Shaq’s house, downing Cabo Wabo shots with Sammy Hagar, or even sun tanning with John Clayton sounds a lot better than you know, real life. The week of debauchery that sports stars, celebrities, and cleat chasing skanks alike partake in leading up to Super Bowl Sunday is a thing of beauty, and for me, envy. I mean, I’ve been to Miami plenty of times, and to be honest, I think it’s a shithole for the most part, but goddamnit, I want gator-tails off a pornstar’s ass! Well, whatever. It’s a world I’ll most likely never be a part of, and I’ll just have to deal with it like every other American male…By gambling and drinking!

Gambling on the Super Bowl is a man’s right of passage, and everyone owes it to himself to at least throw a little money down. Of course, the beauty of betting on the Super Bowl is that you don’t even have to bet on the actual game to make money. The last two years I am a perfect 2 for 2 in the National Anthem bet. I expect this year to be no different. Look for Carrie Underwood to milk the clock, and go over the 1 minute 42 second mark. Put at least 30 bones on it you pussy. Of course, the coin flip is a must-bet. Judging from the humid conditions down in Miami, your fateful captain has to go with Tails. Why? Because it’s a lock baby. Finally, a half time bet. How many times will aging sex offender Pete Townshend of The Who do his legendary windmill move. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

So I have to judge this according to what I think they will bust out. But I’m going to assume they play at least 2 songs. Breaking that down even further I’m going to assume the 2 come from the following list “Won’t get fooled again”, “Teenage Wasteland”, “Who are you” and “Pinball Wizard”. Now I know Pete the Perv is old and grey, but come on, it’s the SUPER BOWL. I expect him to give it his all, so put your money where my mouth is, and put at least a twanky on the over of 6 windmills. Lastly, how many times will they show Kim Kardashian? The over/under is at 4.5, which is ridiculous considering how many celebrities are going to be at the game, but then again, it all depends on Reggie. If you are expecting Reggie Bush to have a huge game or get hurt, then put some dough on the over. I, however, don’t see either of these scenarios playing out, and will take the under on KK’s big ass.

Oh For the Love of Ray-J

Oh yeah, the game. Ha, almost forgot. Well, I’m going to keep it simple. Colts win and cover the 5 points. Peyton Manning shows why he is the best in the biz, and why his head is so freakishly large. I see him dissecting the Saint’s D, and expect some big plays in the second half. Now, I don’t think the Colts are just going to light the Saints up, quite the opposite. I don’t really see much defense being played in this one, and it should be a high scoring affair. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Colts having to come back in this one, maybe after a relatively sluggish first half. Final score, Colts 38 Saints 31. Peyton Manning, your MVP

Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay

Music MANday

Another week, another late Music MANday for all you loyal minions.  With OB coming off his hiatus packed full of post ideas, your boy Neil here has sat idly by and watched with awe and sheer admiration as OB scribbled masterpieces (Late Night Leatherbounds was my favorite) with drink in hand and a healthy disrespect for the status quo (what?). However, all is not lost. I did accomplish a life-long goal last week by wearing sweatpants for 3 straight days without changing. I would like to first thank the weather that covered the area in a constant drizzle, also I would like to thank NCAA football 2010 and my 4 straight number 1 recruiting classes/National Championships for helping me stay focused. I would also like to recognize Chocolate Cheerios as I couldn’t have tackled such a lofty goal without such tasty sustenance.

With the distractions of real-life National Signing Day tomorrow this will be a quick review of a new album from a New York group who describes their sound as Upper West Side Soweto. The man this week is a multi-sport and reality show icon, and he also happens to be a childhood hero of mine. Buckle your seatbelts children. Oh and if you have a pair of sweats now maybe the time to throw them on.

Vampire Weekend exploded on the scene in late 2007/early 2008 when bloggers such as myself and OB kept pumping them as a band everyone should be listening to. Rolling Stone put their tune “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” on their best 100 songs of 2007 list and deemed them the “quintessential college band”, whatever the fuck that means. In January 2008 Spin magazine actually put Vampire Weekend on the cover of the mag and proclaimed them the year’s best new band, before the band had even released their debut self-titled album.

The question now is, who is this chick?

The sophomore effort “Contra” from the Columbia Alums was released on January 11 and overall it fails to meet the bar that these 4 guys have set for themselves with their 1st release. That is not necessarily a knock on this album at all, the first album was so epic and had so many good, fresh cuts that it would be hard for anybody to match it in just a year’s time. They do stay true to themselves and their music, the overall tone of the album is like something you would like to listen to with a few close friends on the deck of a house by the water in the summer time. It is relatively upbeat and utilizes a vast arsenal of instruments, especially percussion.  The album lacks the overall diversifying themes that made their 1st release so successful, they seemed to stretch their limits on that album and they take a much safer approach to making music on “Contra”. My favorite tracks are “Horchata” which is the most like “Cape Cod” and “Oxford Comma” from their 1st release (two of my favorite tracks), “Cousins” a quick and raucous tune that utilizes lots of primitive instruments before ending in a catchy refrain, and “Diplomat’s Son” a song that starts like something you would here from an album of remixes and lyrically is the album’s best work. Overall I would say this isn’t an album you should rush out and get immediately, maybe just try and get all the songs off Limewire or something. Definitely worth a listen if you got a minute.

My God a freshman indeed. That is 18 year old super-athlete Herschel Walker and he is this week’s Man Icon.

Get a good look ladies

I can’t even begin to describe how much this particular athlete means to me, it’s a completely different series of posts. Let’s just say my dad’s first gift to his newborn son was an autographed picture of Walker, and that my parents got engaged a little over an hour after he rushed 37 times for 238 yards against Florida in 1980 on his way to a record setting freshman year. After he rushed for 265 yards against Ole Miss in 1981 a reporter asked him how he could possibly carry the ball for so many yards, his answer? “It wasn’t that heavy.”  I could gush on and on about this man’s accomplishments on the gridiron but it is his triumphs in his off the field endeavors that have this hero still in the spotlight 28 years after he won the Heisman Trophy.

Herschel was always a freak athlete, he was an Olympic-quality sprinter in college and was so fast that he had two racing horses named after him. The most amazing thing about this guy is that he has never used weights to work out. He solely relies on his own body to work out, doing thousands of push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups every day to stay in shape. He is also a bit of an enigma in that he has a bi-polar type condition that borders on disassociative identity disorder.

Chickin wang

All the while Herschel has been a leader of men, investing in various business ventures after his days in the NFL came to an end. He has put money in everything from a logistics company, to a soda named Hallelujah Cola, to a few choice fried chicken franchises. Herschel came from a large family of 7 children in Wrightsville, GA and has not only supported his parents but has given back to his High School and the community as a whole. He was a reality show TV star on one of the Celebrity Apprentice series’  and went toe-to-toe with Dennis Rodman and told him to his face that “You are a bad person” which I like to believe led to Rodman checking himself into a new reality show, Celebrity Rehab.

This is all well and good, but what separates Herschel Walker from every other freak athlete/Heisman Winner/NFL stud/Reality Star/Fried Chicken connoisseur? Maybe the fact that he is a certified black belt and now, at age 47 he is a professional Mixed Martial Artist. Yeah he’s a pro MMA fighter and recently beat a tested middle weight fighter 21 years his junior by Technical Knock Out in the 3rd Round of his first ever fight. I’ll let the below video speak for itself. I could go on and on on this guy. But it’s getting late and OB will be pissed if I don’t finish this pretty soon. So Herschel we here at WBPT salute you sir, your physical prowess as the perfect human specimen will always be acknowledged on this site and hopefully many others.

Neil McFadden

A Prayer for the Who Dat Nation

This comes courtesy of a long-time friend who currently resides in New Orleans and saw this appeal scribbled in a cafe window in the French Quarter this week:

Our Breesus, who art in Nawlins, hallowed be thy name.

Thy bowl will come; it will be won, in Miami as it is in the dome.

Give us touchdown passes, but do not let others pass against us.

Lead us not into frustration but deliver us to the Super Bowl,

for thine is the MVP, the best of the NFC,

and the glory of the Fleur de Lis now and forever. Amen.

Go Saints

Neil McFadden

Be Cool My Babies…

Dear Internet,

The first words out of his mouth were “No really, we don’t have a lot of time…” The crowd was emotional and outrageous, as was deserved and expected. Multiple standing ovations took minutes to silence and cast and crew were damn close to tears. When questioning the first skit Conan jested, “We didn’t rehearse because we don’t care…and we’ve been drinking.” Max Weinberg blasted his drums, La Bamba crushed his trombone, and Andy was even more hilarious than he was back in the early days.

After a Giant Sloth skeleton sprayed a Picasso with beluga caviar in the opening bit in an attempt to spend as much NBC cash as possible, Conan had to undergo an exit interview by an NBC employee. Steve Carell walked out and promptly asked Conan a number of questions including “Would you describe your time at NBC as Positive, Very Positive, or Extremely Positive?” and “Would you ever consider working for NBC again?” Carell’s quick and pointed awkward hilarity summed up the entire evening, as Conan and crew tried to make the best of their short-live Late Night fame.

Tom Hanks came out as the first guest from under the curtain hoisting two scotches and sporting some serious shades. He handed one to CoCo (the term Hanks coined for Conan) and referred to the drink as “daddy’s little reward”. Hanks echoed my own sentiments when he said, “In my house you will always be host of The Tonight Show.” Hanks and O’Brien then reminisced about the late ’80s SNL days when Hanks was hosting and Conan was writing until Conan finally turned the conversation to Hanks and his upcoming efforts. Both the consummate professionals, this exchange was the closest the show would come to a normal talk show.

Neil Young was next up to show his support for Conan, looking aged and pointing back at Conan as he began. Neil launched into his very fitting tune “Long May You Run” from his album of the same name. When he was finished Young praised Conan for his talented ear screaming “Thank you for everything you’ve done for new music!” If you’re anything like me, you used to stay up late just to hear that “new band” on Conan that was on the rise. His show has exposed acts like Radiohead, Kings of Leon, Drive-by Truckers and Green Day to the national stage in his earlier days on Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

Conan then explained in sincerity that he could say anything he wanted and proceeded to thank NBC for being his professional home for over 20 years. He stuck to his guns and fought back tears, saying it’s every comedian’s dream to host The Tonight Show and that he lived that dream for 7 months. He then thanked his fans, stumbling mightily with the tears, and begged the young people to not be cynical, to be kind and surely amazing things will happen.

That was as serious as Conan would allow. Enter Will Ferrell dressed as Ronnie Van Zant of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Neil Young t-shirt and all, leading Max Weinberg on drums, one member of ZZ Top (the one with the beard…), Beck, Ben Harper, as well as Conan all playing guitar in an amazing version of Freebird. During the jam session Ferrell balled out on his cowbell and Conan shredded until the credits rolled.

Those of you who think I’m being over dramatic and too serious are probably right. But Conan O’Brien was just as big a part of my upbringing as the Ninja Turtles, Goldeneye (the game), David’s Sunflower Seeds, Victoria Secret Catalogs, Natty Lite, and ElastoMania combined. I attribute most of the humorous tendencies of this website to him and his writing and I’m sure OB would echo this sentiment. Late Night was a staple at sleep-overs and was the first thing I turned on when I got home right after curfew. His acts of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, The Masturbating Bear, and the Year 2000(3000) constantly had me in stitches. If nothing else, his giant ginger physique and sharp tongue will be missed the most.

Conan himself said that life is too short to be cynical so I won’t write my planned words for NBC and Jay Leno here. I will only wish Conan and his family the best, maybe a move back to New York and a new gig on Fox or FX back in his old 12:30 slot would do the trick. Possibly when Leno is ready to retire for real, then NBC will swallow it’s pride and give Conan back the spot that he has earned. Until that time myself and a myriad of other 20-35 year olds will be anxiously awaiting the return of our generation’s de facto late night talk show host.

Neil McFadden

Music MANday

Back from the hiatus, I apologize for the lack of Posts these last few days, I have been out of town and OB is pleasure cruising with Abigail around his sub-equatorial paradise. The Music MANday is a special Friday edition and I did manage to get a guest writer to give me something earlier this week, he is a college buddy of mine and his piece on Avatar is damn good, see below. Look for more of Atticus Noisewater’s contributions in the coming days, and hopefully longer than that if we can keep him around. This week’s Music MANday is a clusterfuck of new school and old school, as both the band centered on and the man idolized are involved in bringing together these two conflicting um, well “schools” I guess. Read on.

Being a UGA Alum you will be forced from time to time to listen to my complete ramblings on the Athens area’s best and brightest prospects, musically and otherwise. This is one of those times.

The Futurebirds are an up and coming act out of Athens that has drawn some serious attention. Described as an “an alt-country / southern rock / mountain / experimental / other music type six-some” their live shows are chocked full of energy and genuine ardor for the music they play. Musically I would describe them as a unholy combination of Widespread Panic, Fleet Foxes, and The Whigs. Then add a heavy dose of pedal steel and a serious chip on their shoulder and you may have scratched the surface. These guys and girl have some serious potential to make major moves, especially considering they are an unsigned act relatively unknown outside of Georgia. They are attempting to meld the musical attributes of two totally different regions, the Northwest (Portland, Seattle, etc.) and the Dirty South. If they continue to grow from their release Futurebirds EP (download for free here) I see no end in sight for this group. One thing is for sure, it’s gonna be fun to watch.

The Futurebirds

Mixed Martial Arts. Something dudes like you and me talk about over lunch at the deli and watch on Friday nights in a haze of local brews and the finest cheeb. The gist of it being that these motherfuckers can fight, no barriers or styles constrain them, they can flat out brawl. Quinton Jackson is no exception. Jackson earned his chops in Japan’s Pride Fighting Championships as a 23 year old man-child. On the side Jackson dabbled in K-1 kickboxing and knocked out Cyril Abidi 1:55 in the first round in 2002. He then went on to defeat Chuck Liddell in Pride Final Conflict 2003 by corner stoppage.  This would serve as a precursor to UFC 71 when the new Quinton “Rampage” Jackson knocked UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Liddell to the mat and then pummeled him mercilessly until Chucky handed over the belt and his dignity, 1:53 into the first fucking round.

Is that a jaguar tatoo? Fuck yeah it's a jaguar tatoo

This essentially cements Rampage’s status as a bad mamma jamma and would be more than enough to feature him on any blog as a beacon of Manliness. But this isn’t any blog, this is WBPT  and one must go the extra fucking mile to have me sit down and develop a serious man-crush via my keyboard. Yeah he’s a badass, yeah he can literally kick 98% of the people in the world’s ass on any given day. But what separates him from the rest? I’ll tell you. Who the fuck else has the strength to knock the fuck outta Chuck Liddell and then turn around and exhibit the acting chops necessary to portray B.A. Baracus of the A-Team? That’s right lowly serfs, Rampage is the new Mr. T… In June, 2010 he will star alongside Bradley “The Sack Man” Cooper and Liam “Ra’s-Al-Ghul” Neeson in the movie remake of the The A-Team. For what it’s worth I can’t wait for this flick to come out, I sincerely hope they relegate Rampage to more than just a few one-liners and quips about kicking tail. If he can hold his own in this film, look out Hollywood and world as Rampage is on the loose and the sky’s the limit. No, Rampage will fuck the sky up and hang out in the outer reaches of the Atmosphere. Rampage has it all, a legitimate Ultimate Fighting Pedigree, an acting career on the rise, and even a serious criminal record (felony reckless driving, felony hit and run, felony evading police all acquired after he lost a match to Forrest Griffin, didn’t sleep or eat for 4 days and was so pumped up on energy drinks he decided to play monster truck in his jacked-up F-350 with his picture on the side while driving down the wrong side of the street/sidewalk). All necessary prerequisites for being Man of the week. Rampage we here at WBPT will continue to sip drinks and admire your work from afar, too scared to be within 40 cubits of your shadowy, well chiseled features.

Neil McFadden

Afritar

I finally got off my lazy arse and went and saw James Cameron’s historically political/social commentary.

Don’t get me wrong, this movie totally rocked. The whole idea was creative, new, exciting, and just generally awesome. I mean “dream walking?”  How friggin sweet would that be? And who doesn’t love a little interspecies mating with an overgrown smurf? Fully expected Sigourney Weaver to get hers too, by the way.

I'd smurf her smurf so hard she wouldn't smurf right for a month

I am, however, intrigued with a whole mess of political underpinnings that aren’t as subliminal as they were meant to be.

First of all, was it just me, or did the natives/savages/hostiles look, talk, and act just like an African bushman? I mean, from the flattened noses to the crazy witch doctor lady that, unlike Barack Obama, did in fact have a hint of “negro dialect.” They even negatively referred to them as “blue monkeys.”

Moving on. It was obvious from the get-go who were the bad guys and who were the good guys. The bad guys were nothing short of Machiavellian in their attempts to gain access to a precious resource. The good guys were just living their happy organic lives and gaining strength from a tree which sat atop this precious resource. I’m sure the parallels are becoming obviously apparent. You’re a smart kid. You see where I’m going with this one. We have a conflict of interests.

How many examples can we think of that match nearly exactly the scenario Cameron depicts? Dozens, I’m sure.

My question for James Cameron is: What exactly are you trying to say here? Because it’s obvious that you want to say something. Is the war in Iraq and the US efforts for energy wrong? Was the way the United States treated the Native Americans wrong? Was this an environmental statement? Was this a Fern Gulley remake?

Apparently the good people at the Golden Globes think he’s trying to say something too. See Best Picture-Drama.

So does Roger Ebert. See Slurp. Swallow.

And, VH1 Critic’s Choice. See Who Cares?

Personally, I don’t think James Cameron is really trying to say one particular thing. I mean, there are more metaphors and allegorical references here than in a Cormac McCarthy novel. It really is pure genius, though, and even my conservative leanings tell me that there what he’s saying does have some value.

For example, the chief motivator for the humans in this flick is to get this precious resource, which is not totally unlike our reasons for involvement in the Middle East. They have something we want. Easy enough. I think the war in Iraq and the hunt for Sadaam Hussein would have been a much easier pill to

swallow if the American government had been upfront about our ulterior motives. We wanted access to oil. That’s it! Why couldn’t the President have come out and just have said it outright? I think a majority of the American public would have been okay with that, certainly more okay than a WMD witch-hunt.

I’ve renamed this movie Afritar because the overgrown smurfs are obviously meant to represent some “inferior” civilization. From the tribal rituals to the animistic beliefs, it is obvious that these people represent something very unlike your traditional Aryan American. Something very different from what we would consider normal, civilized, or “as it should be.”

Although I’m still not sure what the “main idea” is for this movie, if there were to be a central message, tolerance would be it. Maybe what Cameron is trying to say is that there are a million different ways to move it and groove it, and no one way is right, or better. Maybe when we realize that differences in culture are the true beauty of this world then we might have a little more success abroad.

We’ve already committed all the atrocities depicted in Cameron’s Avitar. That is the last 200 years of American foreign policy in a nutshell. It’s all right there. The question is: What will we do next?

Atticus Noisewater