Music MANday

What up my ninjas? Sorry about the late post yet again, been taking a beating this last week. The job market continues to kick your boy Neil right in the marbles on a daily basis, pair that with a lingering stomach virus and you have one pathetic summabitch. I would like to say something to our loyal readers concerning my BCS article last week. In no way do I see that scenario actually happening. It makes too much sense. Many folks close to the Big-10 were not so thrilled by my portrayal of their conference (which is terrible, I stand by that) and that they should simply take Iowa State as a 12th team. Missouri would make much more sense, as would Pittsburgh or Notre Dame as possible additions to the conference. They bring in more revenue and create a larger target market area (St. Louis, Pittsburgh, Chicago) for the Big-10. The addition of ISU is too neat, but was necessary to make the rest of my formula work. I’ll just leave this issue closed, but fully expect Colorado to leave for the Pac-10 and the Big-10 to add another team. Obviously these moves will have massive ramifications in the College Football arena, we’ll just have to wait and see what those are.

Music MANday is gonna be a little different this week, as I thought we would switch up the usual routine of reviewing albums and recommending our favorite funky tunes. This week I will simply post 4 of my favorite music videos, designed to excite your ears and your eyes in an attempt to incorporate some aesthetic pleasure to your reading/listening/viewing experience. Here we go.

Stick with this one, I love this concept:

Awesome video from my favorite band of 2008:

I just really like this video, shows you can do cool shit on a budget:

One of my favorite videos of all time:

If you haven’t been watching the Olympics then shame on you. People have been ripping these 2010 games lately but it still continues to be one of the most exciting and competitive competitions since Lillehammer in 1994. That being said, this week’s man can only be a certified badass from the Winter Olympic spectrum.

“I’m just trying to ski in a way that’s exciting for me. It’s been an awesome two weeks, I’ve gotten to party and socialize on an Olympic level.” No this isn’t your fraternity social chair after that sweet, Olympic themed mixer with ADPi that saw an unseasonable amount of snow for October. That quote comes from this weeks man icon, Bode Miller. Aside from sharing a name with Swayze’s best character, Bode Miller is the most prolific American alpine skier of all time. He was the overall World Cup Champion in 2005, won 2 silver medals in the Salt Lake Olympics in 2002, became only the 5th man ever to win events in all 5 disciplines (slalom, giant slalom, combined, super-G, and downhill) in 2004, and is a 4-time World Champion in 4/5 disciplines.

What most people don’t know about Bode is that his parents are hippies. Yeah, hippies. He was born in Easton, New Hampshire and grew up in nearby Franconia on 450 acres in a log cabin with no electricity or indoor plumbing. This fucking kid had to walk to an outhouse to take a dump through 6 feet of snow when he was only 3 feet tall. To solidify his parents as raging hippies it may be interesting to our readers that his younger sister’s full name is Genesis Wren Bungo Windrushing Turtleheart, they celebrated the solstices, and Bode was home-schooled until the third grade. When his parents divorced Bode attended public school in NH, and then applied and was accepted to a ski academy in Maine and the rest is history.

Most people are familiar with Bode’s persona, his hard-living, unapologetic pursuit of perfection. Reporters have torn him up, ripped his credibility to the ground, calling him a waste of talent and someone who is more interested in having fun than competing. That is not who Bode Miller is. True he does like to party, but his recent Bronze Medal in Vancouver shows that he also trains as hard or even harder than he parties. He once described coming out of an alcohol induced blackout mid-way through a downhill race. WHAT?! You know how fucking hard core you have to be to pull that shit off? Sure he has had trouble with authority, he quit the US Ski team in 2007 and formed Team America (Fuck Yeah) in order to train and race the way he wanted, but in recent years he has become a father and has settled back into being the best skier that he can be (also rejoined Team USA). One thing is for sure, we are lucky to have him on our side. Bode, we here at WBPT wish you the best on your final 4 races in Vancouver. We will toast many a shot-ski to your successes and failures. We envy your ability to live on the edge of out-of-control and perfect speed. America, fuck yeah indeed.

“My actions are not always consistent. I’m super-mellow and laid back, but I’m always thinking and running 100,000 scenarios through my head. Sometimes I’m disciplined, but I like to be a total slacker, too. I party hard, but I train hard. People are going to try and figure me out and figure out my motivations, and it’s going to be a circus.” – Bode Miller

Neil McFadden

Wednesday Cup O’ Mead

Howdy friends.

I have been really busy trying to find a job (and drinking) since I got to NYC, so I haven’t had much time to work on the blog. This thing has gotten so fun, that I actually get upset when I’m not able to update or post something. But, since it’s Wednesday, and I have a little free time, I thought I’d bring yall an ice-cold, heaping cup o’ mead. In honor of this article’s subtle moniker, and because we haven’t ever had a beer article, I thought I would share with you some of finest brews I’ve had since I arrived in New York Cizzay. Since my long black ship rounded Ithaka and landed here in New Amsterdam I have partaken in a few hecatombs (all in my honor), flaying fatty thighs, eating the crispest chines. With such rich and salty meats, your noblest captain was sure to need a hearty swig of the celestial juice. If you are in New York City, the best place to buy imported, microbrew, and craft beer by the bottle is without a doubt New Beer Distributors. This place is to beer what Menelaus’ great hall was to desultory BJ’s from Helen. New Beer is basically a huge garage full of beer. They literally have EVERYTHING. You can pick individual beers from 6 packs, find rare single bottles from earlier seasons, from your standard 12 oz beer all the way to a fuckin’ magnum sized bottle of Stone Double Bastard. They separate all the beers by country, and I would say they have easily more than 1000 different types of beer at any given time. It’s actually quite overwhelming. I picked up a Chimay Triple, a Dogfishhead Midas Touch and Raison D’etra, a Stone Ruination IPA, a Don de Dieu from Unibroue, and a 750ml (ATTN BOB RILEY: I can buy kegs, but not big bottles? The fuck?) Brooklyn Local 1. I also spent some time in The Ginger Man and The Blind Tiger, two exceptional beer bars. Here is a list of my top 5 beers since I arrived. Since I’ve drank so many lately, I will leave you to read the reviews on BeerAdvocate.com, which is linked in the beer names.

Allagash FOUR

This beer is simply amazing. Enjoyed this American quadruple on tap at the Blind Tiger on Bleeker Street.

Brooklyn Local 1

Bought this big 750ml bottle of Belgian Strong Pale Ale at New Beer on Crystie St. Great value for this local favorite.

Stone Double Bastard

Had this at the Ginger Man, an absurdly badass beer bar on 36^rd St and 5th ave. Probably my favorite Ale right now. Unbelievable.

St. Bernardus Abt 12

Another Quadruple, this one of the traditional Belgian style.

Chimay Tripel (White)

Maybe my favorite beer (although this is always in contention), and easily the best tripel I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting. Chimay is one of 7 breweries in the world that is officially a ”trappist” brewery, that is, beer is brewed or controlled by Trappist monks.

So, if you find yourself in New York, take advantage of the incredible beer selection at almost every corner. Any Whole Foods, especially the one on Houston and Crystie (only a few blocks north of New Beer), will have a great selection. Beer bars are everywhere, and they usually have a great environment and delicious food to go along with the suds. Here is a list of my favorite beer bars in NYC (with links).

d.b.a, The Ginger Man, Blind Tiger, Rattle N’ Hum

I am in NYC until further notice, then back to that 256 for a while. Hope to see yall (no not you blogger.com troll) soon and share some cold adult beverages. Oh yeah, and pray I get a job.

Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay

BCS Conference Realignment

The Pac-12? The Big Midwest? Change!?!? These things may be closer than we think. With the Pac-10 openly looking to expand and the Big-10 in talks with the University of Texas to join their conference one thing is for certain, major change is eminent in college football.

I don’t care who you are or who you pull for, as a college football fan you have to recognize the dominance of the SEC and the Big-12 in recent years. Why this apparent massive separation of competition? Why this plethora of talent and championships? Simple, size. These two power conferences have 12 teams and each sport a Conference Championship game every December. The size dictates more competition, more competition dictates better athletes, and better athletes dictate trophies, bragging rights, and multi-million dollar paydays (for the universities of course). Well it seems that the weaker other conferences have finally caught on and are looking to expand.

There has been much speculation about who will go where and what affect it will have. Lucky enough for you your boy Neil here was awake late last night devising a delightfully ingenious plan that will not only bolster the competition in major college football, help quell the ensuing riot for a Division I-A (I know, I know FBS) playoff, it will help you win every argument about this subject for the foreseeable future. So here we go.

The Pac-10 adds Colorado and Utah becoming the Pac-12

Ask anyone who is familiar with the University of Colorado and they will tell you it is already a Pac-10 school. Their academic standards are far superior to any other school in the Big-12 (their current conference), and most of their Alumni either hail from the west coast or end up there after graduation.  Add that to the fact that they’re mostly pot-smokin’, super-liberals who almost joined the Pac-10 in 1994 and you can pretty much guarantee that the Buffs will end up in the new Pac-12.

It will take some more work for Utah to join the Pac-10 but not as much as it would for Boise State, the other team considered for the final spot in the new Pac-12. The thing that rules out Boise is their academic standards, while not incredibly lower than Utah’s, they are still lower. Utah has their own issues to deal with however. Being the flagship school of one of the most consistently conservative states in the nation coupled with serious ties to the Mormon faith will make it a challenge for the Utes to join the liberal core of the current Pac-10. The Utes do have the advantage of a gigantic endowment ($503 million/yr, 10 times more than Boise’s) and the fact that they are the most progressive of the Utah Universities (only medical school in the state is at UU).

So how will this new Pac-12 Conference stack up? A North and South Division with a championship game played in San Francisco.

North Division

1. Oregon
2. Oregon State
3. Washington
4. Washington State
5. Utah
6. Colorado

South Division

1. USC
2. UCLA
3. Stanford
4. California
5. Arizona
6. Arizona State

The Big-10 adds Iowa State becoming the Big Midwest

This should have already happened. There is absolutely no reason why Iowa should be in one conference and Iowa State in another. Iowa is Big-10 country and if you don’t believe me, go visit. It is just as grey and boring as Michigan and Ohio, and their brand of football is just as outdated and mundane. As most of you know the Big-10 actually has 11 teams already, needing only one more to become super-conference eligible. The blue hairs of the Big-10 have stood idly by in recent years, content to let Ohio State win the league by default and then get waxed by a superior super-conference team in a MNC. No more! The Big-10 can’t become the Big-12 for obvious reasons, but I like the ring of the Big Midwest or even the Great Lakes Conference.

So how will the Big Midwest stack up? An East and West Division (which geographically will look more like a Northwest and Southeast division, but thats too confusing) and a championship game in Chicago.

East Division

1. Penn State
2. Ohio State
3. Purdue
4. Indiana
5. Northwestern
6. Illinois

West Division

1. Michigan
2. Michigan State
3. Minnesota
4. Wisconsin
5. Iowa
6. Iowa State

Now you’re probably asking, “Neil, you’ve decimated the Big-12 North to fulfill your pipe dreams of a better Pac-10 and Big-10, so what the hell are you gonna do about it?” Well children, here is actually what makes all these moves so important.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State move to the Big-12 North, TCU and BYU join the Big-12 South

Moving the Oklahoma schools evens the balance of power in the Big-12, something the conference hasn’t enjoyed since Nebraska had Eric Crouch (hahaha) and Tommy Frazier before that. TCU and BYU have more than shown their worth by competing with Big-12 schools, BYU beat Oklahoma in ’09 and TCU destroyed Baylor in it’s season opener in ’07. TCU showed this past year they deserve to be a BCS school, why not give them a shot? BYU’s religious ties would not be as much of a problem for the Big-12 as it would be for the Pac-10, and they have proven their fans are willing and able to travel to support the Cougars. These two teams are a combined 63-15 over the last three seasons, I don’t know about you but I would like to see them tee it up in a super-conference.

The new look Big-12 will keep it’s current North and South division setup and it’s championship game in Dallas.

North

1. Oklahoma
2. Oklahoma State
3. Missouri
4. Kansas
5. Kansas Sate
6. Nebraska

South

1. Texas
2. Texas A&M
3. Texas Tech
4. TCU
5. Baylor
6. BYU

There you have it. There is Neil McFadden’s dream Football Bowl Subdivision super-conference set-up. The most important aspect of this scenario is that it takes the wind out of the Mid-Major Conference’s argument for a playoff. This process adds 3 mid-major noisemakers (Utah, BYU, TCU) to major conferences leaving only Boise State on the outside looking in. The Neil McFadden System (as this will henceforth be referred to as, or as the NMS) will succeed to silence most (3/4) of the most consistently annoying mid-major teams by simply making them major teams by, to borrow a phrase, putting their money where their mouth is.

For those in favor of a playoff format, this is actually a small step toward that. These super-conferences will have championship games, and the winners of these games will be the unanimous #1 team of their league. As has been seen lately, the winners of these championship games are more likely to move up in the BCS poll late in the season. With 5 (ACC, SEC, Big-12, Pac-12, Big Midwest) super-conferences in the NMS, it would be assumed these teams would rank 1-5 in the BCS. If not, they would at least compose half of the top ten. By simplifying the ranking process and pushing the BCS closer to a de facto system of champions in specific bowls the NMS makes Championship Saturday and the BCS Bowls look more like a bracket. Basically the NMS is a win-win, and the future of college football. Thank you.

Neil McFadden

Music MANday….AMERICA EDITION

FUCK. REALITY. YES. BEER AND TITS.

FUCK. APPLEBEES. YES. NASCAR

FUCK. FOOTBALL’S OVER. YES. MARCH MADNESS

FUCK. NO MORE TROPICAL CLIMATE. YES. FUCK WAIT, NO MORE TROPICAL CLIMATE.

FUCK. NO MORE:

YES. WANT MORE.

Yes plebs, I am officially back in the good ole, US of A. My true mother country, and the best place on planet earth. I will miss Colombia’s unmatched natural beauty, its outstanding (and underrated) cuisine, its supple-assed, tanned stunners, and its more laid-back lifestyle, but I cannot be more excited about being back. I mean where else can you down update your blog via wi-fi, check out fine high school jailbait, overhear annoying Yankees talk about how great their round of golf was, check out jailbait again, think about punching that crying baby, nah McKenzie and her UCA camp-mates might not like that, eye-fuck the shit out of the chick sitting next to the dude in the Affliction tee, get bitched out by a fat ass security guard that probably doesn’t speak English, all the while sucking down a 96 oz. Dr. Pepper? Wait…What’s that you say? I’m in Orlando? Florida? 4 hour layover? Homeland Security? Did you say Florida?

Shit.

Yes, airports . The bane of my existence. As I sit here and write, I think simple thoughts, those of common men I rarely associate with.  I wonder if the quasi-Dominican Homeland Security drone really did enjoy cupping my balls and sniffing my taint for plastic explosives, or if that smug pedophile smile was just a courtesy “fuck you very much” he gives to every unsuspecting traveler? Either way, since I am stuck here at fateful gate 112 for the next couple of hours, I might as well wallow in misery with you plebs, my loyal companions.

Today’s (and as usual, late) edition of Music MANdays, is my first blog post stateside. And I will accompany this epic genre-busting event with the most American playlist humanly possible. Most of these songs need no explanations if you bleed like I bleed: RED. WHITE. AND SEX.

1. Born in the U.S.A by Bruce Springsteen. Oh come on now.
2. This.
3. New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. Michael Buble = UNAMERICAN.
4. This Must be the Place (Naïve Melody) by the Talking Heads.Well, not O-town, but you get the idea.
5. America by Neil Diamond. YEP.
6. New York State of Mind by NAS. I don’t sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death. Oh yeah, and NAS…hip hop is not dead. Unless it’s on the radio. Oh.

And now…the MAN.

This week’s MAN is none other than Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

“Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff (chewing tobacco) will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.” (From Predator)

The Body has to be the manliest man we’ve profiled to date. First let’s take a look at his ultra-manly CV:

Describes himself as a Slovak. (Fuckin’ right he does)

Killed Charlies in Vietnam

After the war, served with the Navy’s Underwater Demolition Team, now the Navy SEALs

Member of the the Mongols Motorcyle Gang in San Diego back in 73, a known criminal syndicate at the time

Pro Wrestler

Pro Badass “Blain” in Predator

Fuckin’ Governor of Minnesota (SUPPORTS LEGALIZED PROSTITUTION)

So that’s quite promising. And fucking manlier than shit. You can joke about The Body all you want, call him a hypocrite, racist, but when it comes down to it, he is about as American as it gets. Of course, unless you ask him about religion. “Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people’s business.” You may not agree with this quote, but you can’t argue with him. OR YOU DIE BY MINI GUN. (Fun fact: this quotation comes from his bestselling book, I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed. Hell Yeah.)

Jesse, we here at WBPT salute you good sir. Whether it’s your xenophobic tendencies, massive biceps, drug-addled upbringing, or shorn dome, you have always been, and always will be, an inspiration for all Americans. We would gladly fly off the turnbuckle with you.

Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay

Welcome Back OB

Ladies and gentlemen today is the day your humble Captain Odysseus Bombay returns from his travels south of the equator. As he is swarmed today with airport lines and security stresses I thought it would be appropriate for his WBPT better half (me) to welcome him back to the Good Ole’ US of A in a style only found on this blog. So what follows is a collection of videos and pics that hopefully will give our man OB a sizable red, white, and blue hard-on that makes even Lady Liberty blush.

Neil McFadden

Hot Lines

Bitches, blow, beaches, BOWL. It’s Super Bowl XLIV in Miami and it’s the season finale of Hot Lines. Ladies and gentlemen never has this title been more appropriate as the stage is set for an epic showdown in the newly tagged Sun Life Stadium. Just so we’re clear it’s a party in the city where the heat is on, all night on the beach til the break of dawn. Welcome to Miami. In my opinion pro football’s crowning moment can’t get a better setting than South Beach. I mean it’s everything that is the NFL, super-hot women in super-tiny clothes and super awesome dudes doing super awesome drugs things. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to experience in person. If your boy Neil was down there I assure you I would come back bearing nothing but reports of money well spent on shame and regret. No singles left in this guy’s pocket, only some spent plastic corners and a crushed soft pack of Marlboros. I would bring my A game, never take no for an answer, no fences to hold this guy in, I may go as far as to…push it to the limit:

Sorry, drifting off there reminiscing about sophomore year. Speaking of the vices of an invincible 20 year old let’s get to the gambling shall we? In addition to picking the winner of this year’s contest we will be picking a number of prop bets that may or may not be related to football at all. These bets include:

1. Winner against the spread (Line is Colts -5)
2. Super Bowl MVP
3. The over/under of the length of the National Anthem at 1:42
4. The coin toss
5. Windmill guitar strokes that Pete Townshend of The Who rocks at the halftime show
6. The over/under on the number of times the producers switch the cameras to Kim Kardashian  at 4.5

So this is how it’s gonna go. Enter Carrie Underwood in all her middle-American (Idol) glory. She belts the National Anthem, bringing tears to Romo’s regretful eyes as well as giving every white male aged 25-40 a semi, and finishes just under the 1:42 mark. I also would like to believe she wears something gold and short, right above the knee. Matching heels, but not more than 4 inches. But I digress.

I don’t know who will be in charge of referee duties on Sunday, but if there is a God it will be Ed Hochuli. His arms scare the shit out of me. Not like Are You Afraid of the Dark scared, like Brian Dawkins and Ray Lewis guarding the fiery gates scared. If Hochuli does the coin toss, it may be awhile until the commemorative silver piece re-enters the atmosphere. But it will most certainly be tails. Why? Because as my younger brother Lenny “Lemonbeard” McFadden always says before he beats my ass in NCAA Football 2010, “Tails Never Fails”.

As for the actual game, whoever gets the ball first will score. Then we will have a few drives end in turnovers and/or 3rd and short stoppages. The first quarter will end in disappointment in regard to both these teams’ offensive prowess. In the second quarter things will get poppin’.  Brees will connect with Reggie Bush on a slip-screen for 30+ yards and a TD (cue KK, I’ll get to that later). Manning answers with a bomb to Pierre Garcon (Breaking news: I got more rhymes than J.D.’s got Salinger’s) that sets up a first and goal for Joseph Addai, ’nuff said. I’m feeling myself get a little too specific, so I will just say that the first half will end with the Saints on top by 3 or less.

The halftime show will suck, make no mistake. These things really piss me off. They throw a ton of money at an iconic band and then surround them with fake fans and flag waving teenagers from the local high school. The timing and acoustics of a 50-yard line stage built in a matter of minutes spells musical fail for anyone. The Who will do their best, and look for Pete Townshend to windmill strum 5 times at the very most. Any more and he will be visiting Dr. James Andrews in Birmingham next week.

The second half will be the Joseph Addai show, as Darren Sharper makes a point to return a Peyton pick for six and the Colts look to rely heavily on the run and short passing game to control the clock and keep their defense rested. Clock management will pay dividends, keeping Brees and the boys off the field and landing the Colts their second Super Bowl ring in 4 years. Colts win the game 34-28 with Joseph Addai as your MVP.

I’m having the most trouble with the Kim Kardashian bet. It’s obvious that the amount of times she is shown is directly related to Reggie Bush’s success on the field. I’m gonna say even if he doesn’t do squat they show her twice, but I don’t know where to go after that. I really don’t know about this chick. She has an unreal ass but I mean she didn’t even take her bra off in her own sex tape (email me for link). On the other hand she does have a well manicured Britney, so what to do? I don’t think Reggie Bush has an outrageously good game, 1 TD and less than 100 yards rushing and receiving. Fuck it, it’s Miami and she will be flaunting it, whatever it may be. I’m going with the over as the CBS guys will show her and all her curvaceous glory at least 5 times.

That’s all I got folks. As always bet early and often, takes money to make money. McFadden out.

Now a prediction from your noble captain Odysseus Bombay:

I wish I was in Miami right now. Hanging out at Shaq’s house, downing Cabo Wabo shots with Sammy Hagar, or even sun tanning with John Clayton sounds a lot better than you know, real life. The week of debauchery that sports stars, celebrities, and cleat chasing skanks alike partake in leading up to Super Bowl Sunday is a thing of beauty, and for me, envy. I mean, I’ve been to Miami plenty of times, and to be honest, I think it’s a shithole for the most part, but goddamnit, I want gator-tails off a pornstar’s ass! Well, whatever. It’s a world I’ll most likely never be a part of, and I’ll just have to deal with it like every other American male…By gambling and drinking!

Gambling on the Super Bowl is a man’s right of passage, and everyone owes it to himself to at least throw a little money down. Of course, the beauty of betting on the Super Bowl is that you don’t even have to bet on the actual game to make money. The last two years I am a perfect 2 for 2 in the National Anthem bet. I expect this year to be no different. Look for Carrie Underwood to milk the clock, and go over the 1 minute 42 second mark. Put at least 30 bones on it you pussy. Of course, the coin flip is a must-bet. Judging from the humid conditions down in Miami, your fateful captain has to go with Tails. Why? Because it’s a lock baby. Finally, a half time bet. How many times will aging sex offender Pete Townshend of The Who do his legendary windmill move. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

So I have to judge this according to what I think they will bust out. But I’m going to assume they play at least 2 songs. Breaking that down even further I’m going to assume the 2 come from the following list “Won’t get fooled again”, “Teenage Wasteland”, “Who are you” and “Pinball Wizard”. Now I know Pete the Perv is old and grey, but come on, it’s the SUPER BOWL. I expect him to give it his all, so put your money where my mouth is, and put at least a twanky on the over of 6 windmills. Lastly, how many times will they show Kim Kardashian? The over/under is at 4.5, which is ridiculous considering how many celebrities are going to be at the game, but then again, it all depends on Reggie. If you are expecting Reggie Bush to have a huge game or get hurt, then put some dough on the over. I, however, don’t see either of these scenarios playing out, and will take the under on KK’s big ass.

Oh For the Love of Ray-J

Oh yeah, the game. Ha, almost forgot. Well, I’m going to keep it simple. Colts win and cover the 5 points. Peyton Manning shows why he is the best in the biz, and why his head is so freakishly large. I see him dissecting the Saint’s D, and expect some big plays in the second half. Now, I don’t think the Colts are just going to light the Saints up, quite the opposite. I don’t really see much defense being played in this one, and it should be a high scoring affair. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Colts having to come back in this one, maybe after a relatively sluggish first half. Final score, Colts 38 Saints 31. Peyton Manning, your MVP

Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay

National Signing Day Cup O’ Mead

The biggest day in the College Football offseason was today, and in honor we bring you a special balls-to- the-wall, orgy-inducing, NATIONAL SIGNING DAY CUP O’ MEAD. Both Neil and I present the day that was for our respective universities, with the same brazen and totally meaningless predictions you have come to love.

WAIT! DON TIBBLES WORKS FOR RIVALS?

All week fans all around the country have hunkered around their computers late into the night, hoping for some “insider” information on their favorite recruits,  and praying that their schools would land a Dean Portman type. This may seem innocent, but to those familiar with the year round process, it is anything but. It actually gets a little creepy. Over at The Mainboard, Rivals, and other recruiting websites, message boards are filled with grown men stalking high school seniors on Facebook, and posting the latest info they got from “This dude I worked with in college who follows Seantrel Henderson’s junior-year girlfriend on Twitter”. I myself have fallen into this depravity. Last night I spent a good 45 minutes watching USCw commit, and Georgia’s favorite wordsmith of a wide receiver, Markeith Ambles (Go Trogans!) talk into his webcam. Ambles had set up a web stream to talk about his recruiting process, and I was among the 650+ viewers. Of course, like any other blurry webcam video from a 17 year old, it was a huge letdown (Principle Rooney strokes his moustache in agreement). Basically he just sat there checking out his hair, answering about 500 phone calls, and GIVIN A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MA BOI RICK UP IN THAT TENNESSEE!

 

Markeith Ambles, a man of refined tastes...AND GOIN BONE TO BONE

 

So as disgusted and/or perplexed as you may be by our weirdo antics and general lack of “lives”, Neil and I pride ourselves on getting to know all these kids the best we can before they sign their letters of intent, and enjoy making bold predictions about future players. I will however admit that it gets a little redundant. How many times can one read “Boy’s gonna be a stud. Has all the physical tools to compete at the next level “and “We picked up a big commit today, in all senses of the word”? HARHARHAR, oh wait, excuse me while I shank myself in the eyeballs. Anyway, NSD2010 for UA and UGA lacked some of the drama from last year, and there wasn’t anything near as newsworthy as Dre “Count Swaggula” Kirkpatrick’s gem of an interview, but a lot did happen, and we’re here to tell you about it.

First up, Neil’s thoughts on UGA’s 2010 recruiting class:

Well slap me stupid and call me Jasper Sanks, National Signing Day has come to an end and it looks like UGA will have it’s first non-top 10 recruiting class since 2001 (unless you follow the ESPN rankings in which case we’re #9). The Dawgs whiffed on a few choice prospects including but not limited to Kadron Boone (LSU), Jeff Whitaker (AU), Telvin Smith (F$U), and Chrisitan Green (F$U) that would’ve really helped the class and the team. 5 Star wideout Da’Rick Rogers decided he would pull a Dwayne Allen and switch his commitment on signing day as he decommitted from UGA and committed to the hicks in K’ville. This move accompanied by 4 star CB Nickell Robey’s decision to change his commitment from UGA to USCw early Wednesday morning accounted for Georgia’s quick drop in the recruiting rankings.

The day was not a total loss for the Dawgs, as they added the signatures of 4 star Stephenson (Stone Mountain, GA) DT Mike Thornton and 2 star Wilcox County WR Ronnie Outlaw. Thornton was the 10th best prospect in the state and was a very important piece of the puzzle, as the Dawgs lose 3 DTs to the NFL this year. Thornton and fellow DT commit Garrison Smith (7th overall GA prospect) will be looking to make a big impact in new Defensive Coordinator Todd Grantham’s 3-4 set as freshmen next fall. I know what you’re all thinking, other than the fact his name is Outlaw why would UGA sign a 2 star WR? Well for starters Outlaw’s size speaks for itself, at 6’7″ and 200 lbs. he has ridiculous potential to beef up and win every jump ball thrown his way. He will have to go to Georgia Military College for a year to improve academically, which is probably a reason he was ranked so low. He is also the cousin and good friend of 2011 prospect Nick Marshall of Wilcox County, so it looks like Coach Richt and Coach Bobo have their sights set on this potential 5 star dual threat QB for next year’s class. These two welcome additions rounded out UGA’s 2010 class at 19 signees.

 

TJ Stripling, in all his Men's Wearhouse Glory

 

The 2010 class may have stumbled a bit into the finish but that doesn’t mean that it lacks talent. UGA managed to get 4 of the top 10 prospects from the state of Georgia to come to Athens and 9 of the top 50. Combine that with 4 recruits from Florida and 1 from South Carolina and the class stacks up quite nicely. Some names to remember from this class are S/LB Alec “Tree” Ogletree (a huge safety who reminds many of Thomas Davis), DE/LB T.J. Stripling (6’6″ BEAST), RB Ken Malcome (6’0″ 213 lb. Ingram-esque bruiser), S Jakar “Hitman” Hamilton (early enrollee, may start immediately), and OT Brent Benedict (when healthy, he’s as good as another Stinchcomb).

 

Hitman and Tree...the future of UGA's secondary

 

Overall the Dawgs filled the spots we needed to. Sure we missed on the #1 prospect in the state in Da’Rick Rogers, but if nothing else it’s karma for taking the top 2 prospects from the state of Tennessee a year ago (Marlon Brown & Austin Long). Many will degrade this class as sub-par. Well guess what? That’s what happens when you go 8-5. Anything less than 10 wins next year is unacceptable. Look for Redshirt Frosh Aaron Murray to line up behind a stacked O-line surrounded by tons of talent and the new-look 3-4 Grantham D to take names and kick ass. A lot to like about the 2010 Bulldogs, even with a lackluster recruiting class. Stay tuned to WBPT for tons of Georgia Football Hype.

Neil McFadden

Good stuff per usual from the man in Red and Black. And now, my look into Bama’s latest haul:

Well folks, business as usual for Overlord Saban and his cast of blood thirsty Basilisks. Even after two consecutive #1 recruiting classes, 2 SEC West titles, and a National Goddamn Championship, Bama had some holes to fill. This is due in large part to the departure of numerous seniors as well as Rolo and Kareem Jackson as juniors. Bama finished with the #5 recruiting class per Rivals.com, getting a great boost in the trenches and a hell of a lot of speed, which will hopefully allow us to continue our transition from an all-out physical running team, to a more balanced attack with more options to open things up.

Before I go into analyzing my favorite standouts from this class, the controversy surrounding 5-star defensive back Keenan Allen must be discussed. Allen had been committed to Bama for sometime, before shit just got crazy this week. Apparently Allen wanted to play with his half-brother Zach Maynard, former Buffalo QB who left after Turner Gil signed up to coach Kansas, and their mother seemed to be pulling the strings towards the home stretch. Needless to say, the rumors began flying around.  So Saban didn’t want to offer Maynard a scholly just to land the big fish, that maybe he did offer, then maybe Keenan really did want to go to Clemson, or was it Cal? Really just a big bumfuck. Then the truth came out. Keenan was working with a handler/pimp/shady motherfucker (remember Arthur and Bryce Brown?) by the name of Otis Yelverton. Now the details are sketchy, but it seems Saban may have stopped any efforts to get Allen if he had to deal with ole Otis, and I don’t blame him. One player isn’t worth the possible investigations and shady back room dealings. Congrats to Cal for pulling in a true playmaker, and moreover, congrats to Allen’s mom, whom should be enjoying her new home and Range Rover any day now.

 

Otis Yelverton. Don't worry, he wasn't a coach at Cal. He just loves exploiting high schoolers and wearing terrific hats.

 

Man, I’m glad that shit is over, but I had to report it. Anyway, now on to the meat and potatoes. My 4 favorites from the swaggeriffic class of 2010. Oh yeah, click on their names for their highlight videos.

1. My favorite recruit from this year’s class has to be Deion Belue, a 3 star cornerback out of Tuscumbia, and maybe somewhat of a sleeper in this class. In my opinion this guy has a hell of a lot of upside. 6 foot, 175 pounds with a promising frame, and lightning quick. Hopefully Deion can qualify academically, anyone who returns 7 punts for touchdowns IN SEVEN STRAIGHT GAMES is a bonified playmaker/babymaker. Look for him to be our return man sooner than later.

SWAGG rating: Jules Winnfield after a fresh jheri curl.

2. Next up is arguably the best QB in the country for 2010, Chesapeake, Virginia’s Philip Sims. This 4-star was a HUGE pull for Saban and Co. as we pulled one of the nation’s top prospects out of a state we hardly recruit, and gave us a clear recruiting class leader. Sims has a laser arm and at 6-2, 209, great potential to be a formidable force in the coming years. I would expect Sims to take a redshirt this coming year as GMac is coming back, with budding star AJ McCarron backing him up. Sims should benefit tremendously from their tutelage, and I forsee him panning out a hell of a lot better than Star Jackson has. Also, he has the Predator look going, which always means greatness.

SWAGG rating: Al Green’s afro pick

3. 4-star Alfy Hill out of North Carolina (TAKE YA SHIRT OFF!) is a true animal, and I expect big things from this strong-side DE. I love his long huge arms, and moreover, his name. Alfy will most likely play a stand up LB in the 3-4, and I can’t wait to see him wreck havoc off the edge. We needed some pass rushers in this class, and Alfy definitely fits the mold after recording 112 tackles, 15 for a loss, and 12 sacks during his senior year. Also of note, Alfy is the first player that Bama has signed out of NC since the 80’s.

SWAGG rating:

4. This class is full of great choices, and I want to write about all of them (No I don’t), but my final swagg star for tonight is Mobile’s Jalston Fowler. The 4-star fullback, yes fullback, is a true freak of nature. Dude looks like a Spanish bull. Fowler, as well as being a beast-mode running back/fullback in high school, was a serious LB. I expect him to project as an OLB rather than a RB at Bama, especially after he starts a D-1 weight and nutrition program.

SWAGG rating: Ving Rhames before he started doing shitty comedies.

Besides these guys, Bama loaded up almost everywhere. Among the 6 defensive backs we picked up, 5-star DeMarcus Milliner and 4-star John Fulton are the true stars, and the future of our secondary that going into next year will average 6-foot-2 and 200 lbs. 6-7 Brian Volger is a massive TE with mitts reminiscent of Ole Sure Hands Will Oakley (Ok he wasn’t a TE, but he was white,  so fuck you). Add in stud LB C.J. Mosley, who should be a monster once he gets his turn. We also got some solid prospects for the O-line in Arie “I can’t wait til Verne Lundquist tries to pronounce my name” Kouandjio and corn-fed white boys Chad Lindsey and Austin Shepard. Oh, and I almost forgot, we got a punter and a kicker to replace Van Jr. and P.J. All in all, a great class, and a lot to look forward to in the coming years. In Saban’s name we pray.

Ὀδυσσεύς Bombay

Music MANday

Another week, another late Music MANday for all you loyal minions.  With OB coming off his hiatus packed full of post ideas, your boy Neil here has sat idly by and watched with awe and sheer admiration as OB scribbled masterpieces (Late Night Leatherbounds was my favorite) with drink in hand and a healthy disrespect for the status quo (what?). However, all is not lost. I did accomplish a life-long goal last week by wearing sweatpants for 3 straight days without changing. I would like to first thank the weather that covered the area in a constant drizzle, also I would like to thank NCAA football 2010 and my 4 straight number 1 recruiting classes/National Championships for helping me stay focused. I would also like to recognize Chocolate Cheerios as I couldn’t have tackled such a lofty goal without such tasty sustenance.

With the distractions of real-life National Signing Day tomorrow this will be a quick review of a new album from a New York group who describes their sound as Upper West Side Soweto. The man this week is a multi-sport and reality show icon, and he also happens to be a childhood hero of mine. Buckle your seatbelts children. Oh and if you have a pair of sweats now maybe the time to throw them on.

Vampire Weekend exploded on the scene in late 2007/early 2008 when bloggers such as myself and OB kept pumping them as a band everyone should be listening to. Rolling Stone put their tune “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” on their best 100 songs of 2007 list and deemed them the “quintessential college band”, whatever the fuck that means. In January 2008 Spin magazine actually put Vampire Weekend on the cover of the mag and proclaimed them the year’s best new band, before the band had even released their debut self-titled album.

The question now is, who is this chick?

The sophomore effort “Contra” from the Columbia Alums was released on January 11 and overall it fails to meet the bar that these 4 guys have set for themselves with their 1st release. That is not necessarily a knock on this album at all, the first album was so epic and had so many good, fresh cuts that it would be hard for anybody to match it in just a year’s time. They do stay true to themselves and their music, the overall tone of the album is like something you would like to listen to with a few close friends on the deck of a house by the water in the summer time. It is relatively upbeat and utilizes a vast arsenal of instruments, especially percussion.  The album lacks the overall diversifying themes that made their 1st release so successful, they seemed to stretch their limits on that album and they take a much safer approach to making music on “Contra”. My favorite tracks are “Horchata” which is the most like “Cape Cod” and “Oxford Comma” from their 1st release (two of my favorite tracks), “Cousins” a quick and raucous tune that utilizes lots of primitive instruments before ending in a catchy refrain, and “Diplomat’s Son” a song that starts like something you would here from an album of remixes and lyrically is the album’s best work. Overall I would say this isn’t an album you should rush out and get immediately, maybe just try and get all the songs off Limewire or something. Definitely worth a listen if you got a minute.

My God a freshman indeed. That is 18 year old super-athlete Herschel Walker and he is this week’s Man Icon.

Get a good look ladies

I can’t even begin to describe how much this particular athlete means to me, it’s a completely different series of posts. Let’s just say my dad’s first gift to his newborn son was an autographed picture of Walker, and that my parents got engaged a little over an hour after he rushed 37 times for 238 yards against Florida in 1980 on his way to a record setting freshman year. After he rushed for 265 yards against Ole Miss in 1981 a reporter asked him how he could possibly carry the ball for so many yards, his answer? “It wasn’t that heavy.”  I could gush on and on about this man’s accomplishments on the gridiron but it is his triumphs in his off the field endeavors that have this hero still in the spotlight 28 years after he won the Heisman Trophy.

Herschel was always a freak athlete, he was an Olympic-quality sprinter in college and was so fast that he had two racing horses named after him. The most amazing thing about this guy is that he has never used weights to work out. He solely relies on his own body to work out, doing thousands of push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups every day to stay in shape. He is also a bit of an enigma in that he has a bi-polar type condition that borders on disassociative identity disorder.

Chickin wang

All the while Herschel has been a leader of men, investing in various business ventures after his days in the NFL came to an end. He has put money in everything from a logistics company, to a soda named Hallelujah Cola, to a few choice fried chicken franchises. Herschel came from a large family of 7 children in Wrightsville, GA and has not only supported his parents but has given back to his High School and the community as a whole. He was a reality show TV star on one of the Celebrity Apprentice series’  and went toe-to-toe with Dennis Rodman and told him to his face that “You are a bad person” which I like to believe led to Rodman checking himself into a new reality show, Celebrity Rehab.

This is all well and good, but what separates Herschel Walker from every other freak athlete/Heisman Winner/NFL stud/Reality Star/Fried Chicken connoisseur? Maybe the fact that he is a certified black belt and now, at age 47 he is a professional Mixed Martial Artist. Yeah he’s a pro MMA fighter and recently beat a tested middle weight fighter 21 years his junior by Technical Knock Out in the 3rd Round of his first ever fight. I’ll let the below video speak for itself. I could go on and on on this guy. But it’s getting late and OB will be pissed if I don’t finish this pretty soon. So Herschel we here at WBPT salute you sir, your physical prowess as the perfect human specimen will always be acknowledged on this site and hopefully many others.

Neil McFadden

At Alabama…We live it